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Hallelujah! I too can have porn star hair

April 26, 2009

Most of you know that I have the straightest hair. Ever. It’s ridiculous.

Back in third grade, I was terribly envious of the girls with the ginormous bangs and the hair that managed to be spiral curled but also maintain a triangle shape at the same time. Truly, this was the work of genius. Of course, in hindsight, people were also wearing plastic charm necklaces and neon-but at the time it was hot. (And some of you people wonder why I mainly wear black and classic clothing now)

Anyhoo, I was beyond jealous. I couldn’t be content with my crazy shiny, super healthy swingy hair. I was in desperate need of a protective, triangular helmut. Maybe this was due to the numerous bloody noses I endured playing four square (if I ever go to therapy that will probably be a whole session in itself) and the fact that I absolutely could not catch a ball. Even, at that young age I receognized the protective quality of helmut hair-that would no doubt stop a baseball.

After begging and pleading and singing Little Bunny Foo Foo an entire car ride back from PA one summer, my mother finally relented. To this day, my mother still cringes if anyone even thinks about that song. So my mom took me to a hair salon that was in the shopping center across from Grissom. There was also a dance studio-anyone else remember this? I got a perm. It was glorious. That thing would not have moved in tornadic activity. I was beyond thrilled, I would start school with my very own immobile, electric shock hair. It was glorious.

I followed all the instructions, no hair washing, etc. I sat still for hours reading. Well, that wasn’t really different than most days which may be part of the reason for my complete lack of physical coordination. Two days later, I finally wash my hair. Straight city. Perm has vanished like Monica Lewinsky’s panties around Clinton. I was despondent. Apparently, some hair simply will not take perms.

I surrendered my pipe dream of spiral curled hair and decided I would accept body and fullness. And now, at the ripe age of 32-I have found success. The perfect porn star hair cocktail if you will. See below.

Loreal Ever Pure volume shampoo and conditioner.

Aveda phomollient volume foam

Aveda pure abundance powder thing

Velcro rollers

It is a miracle. Porn star hair. Full and big and fabulous.

Of course, sometimes it seems you just want what you can’t have. A lot of those curly haired girls? Wanted MY hair. Who knew.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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3 Comments leave one →
  1. kelly yaun permalink
    May 5, 2009 8:22 PM

    i CANNOT believe i forgot about your 4-square bloody noses! and i, too, was one of those girls jealous of your straight swingy hair. truth’s out. of course, if we’re being completely honest, i also wanted the ginormous bangs. and what a combination that would have been. looks like it’s a good thing we don’t always get what we think we want…

  2. amyblam permalink
    May 14, 2009 3:18 PM

    Oddly enough, last night I remembered the entire book I read while carefully not moving my hair. James & the Giant Peach.

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