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Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop…

January 23, 2010

This is not particularly funny. This is  “I have a migraine and am being contemplative and I’ve come up with a plan” ramblings.

Saw a lovely, local production this past weekend by the name of Almost, Maine and in a portion of it (I later discovered) they were waiting for the other shoe to drop-literally in this case.  And? Well…it didn’t.

I live a lot like that. I am ALWAYS waiting, planning, evaluating, and back-up planning what I am going to do IF the other shoe ever does drop (Actually shoes drop a whole lot in my house-they just generally land on my head). My plans? Look very similar to those little brainstorming bubbles we had to do in school. Or like those books where you could choose your own ending-with several different eventualities (and I always had to go back and try each and every one). Now, I’m not one to brag-nor am I trying to but really my life is pretty damn perfect. It may not agree with other folks’ ideal but for me it’s pretty fab and better than I could have ever hoped. Especially since I bucked up and got rid of shitty people, things, whatnots that were dragging me down. Personally, I think life is much less stressful when it’s shit. Because when it’s bad, it’s bad and there’s not many ways you can go but up or sideways. When you’re up, there’s all kinds of craptasticness that can happen. Hence, the waiting and the worrying that shit may turn bad. Pollyanna Sunshine I am not.

Like right now? I’ve got something that I think is crazy wildly fabulous on the horizon and I haven’t said a word. I am so gleeful/excited/can’t sleep at night/imagining the possibilities that it’s a little out of hand. I can actually feel excitement bubbling up in my belly. No really, it’s not gas or my normal stomach ailments this time. So yeah, haven’t said anything to anybody other than J. He knows me to well for me to ever keep anything from him and I don’t want to anyways. And I don’t know a ton of details-or even if it will for sure be a go-but I am HOPEFUL. Before anyone gets excited I am NOT pregnant and none of the space cows that plague me have suffered any death or dismemberment. If I were pregnant, the title of this would have been “Are you fucking kidding me?” which is what I said when I found out I was knocked up with bratchild. I would also be waxing on wondering if the child was going to pop out with a pre-pierced ear with a mirena earring. Not so much a cute accessory. If it were the latter, a hallelujah or two would have been interspersed thru here. (It is not that I wish anyone ill, there are just some people that provide nothing positive or constructive to anyone and I would like them to go to their own island where the only people they can bother are ones that are just like them-I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. I mean, they used to ship undesirables to islands. I fail to see why we can’t take up that practice again.)

So I made a PLAN. There are few things that make me happier than having a plan and knowing how things are going to turn out. I HATE surprises. Don’t misunderstand me, I LOVE the concept of surprise parties, gifts, and the like but I enjoy them a whole helluva lot more when I know what they are and I can plan my reaction. Take a surprise birthday party, I think it is such a fun idea but I’m way happier when someone tells me there is a surprise so I can get geared up for it, figure out what to wear, etc. I love to know how things are going to turn out. For instance, I always read the last page of a book before I start it. As a child, I would locate and unwrap gifts-carefully wrapping them back so no one wold ever suspect a thing. Honestly? It made me enjoy it more knowing what was in there.

Because I? Well, I’m what you would call an oxymoron-a living, breathing, wiggling around embodiment of that term. I am a  lazy perfectionist, a laid-back control freak.

So the point? Sorry, I have a wretched headache and the “Extreme Marksmen” show the hubs is watching is not helping. I have a possibility on the horizon that I am crazy unbelievably excited about and I’m also crazy unbelievably stressed because…if it works out I’m going to have to make decisions. And since there are so many different little levers and choices, I have no way of predicting how it will all end. And if it doesn’t work out? Well, I’ll STILL  have to make decisions and be bummed out about it all at the same time. And though this isn’t something I had sought out-I’m so thrilled about it that I now can’t imagine how I would feel if it doesn’t work out. Ugh. 

Check back tomorrow when maybe I will be funny-or in a few hours if I’m still awake and migraine and pain meds have made me loopy. Oh, and I’ll keep ya posted.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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