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Coulda. Shoulda. Woulda. Didn’t.

March 8, 2010

So in light of the fact that I have landed and begun what pretty much amounts to my dream job, I got to thinking about other career paths I could have chosen given my skills, likes, personality. I’ve always had various ideas of what  wanted to be when I grew up, and now that I’ve landed the perfect gig-I guess I am?

I’m also participating in this 31 Days to a Better Blog thingamabob and one of my “homeworks” is to do a list blog. So I’m listing various things I coulda, shoulda, woulda have done and didn’t (or in a few cases kindof did).

1. Private Investigator- This one of the first things I ever wanted to be when I grew up. We’re talking like in first grade this was my life aspiration. I had begun reading Trixe Belden and Nancy Drew books and I was all-wow. I can totally DO this. Turns out, I was right. Although I didn’t realize it until MUCH later in life-I am rather handy at the old detective work. There’s not much I CAN’T find out as our lawyer in our case against J’s ex was absolutely DELIGHTED to discover. I am good at the research. I adore research, combing thru files and papers and the internet and following each tangent to see where it goes. Research makes my little black heart, well, a little less black. I am not so good at the being quiet and sitting still so I don’t know how I’d be at hiding in people’s bushes and doing stakeouts. And since I’m clutzy and my voice level is pretty much playground or arena-I’m not sure I’d excel at undercover work either. But that computer chick on Criminal Minds? I think I could TOTALLY do that-with better hair clearly.

2. Archaeologist-This was another of my early childhood career goals, although I’m not sure why since I don’t like to be dirty, sweaty, or deal with dead things. I blame Harrison Ford for this short-lived desire.

3. Writer-Probably my most consistent, long-running dream. Although Misery *almost* cured me of this. Because I have ALWAYS attracted the crazy, which is why I frequently request that if you are a stalker and reading my blog-please keep it to a just reading. I’m actually fortunate in the whole writing arena as that is something I actually get to do. Unlike being a FBI computer hacker or being whisked away to Egypt to dig up dead people, I do get to blog and do some writing for a  newspaper and a local magazine. I’m still holding out for a book though.  I would be excellent at book signings and interviews. In fact, since the time I started wearing makeup and fixing my hair-I’ve practiced interviews. Seriously. While I am looking at myself and slapping on eyeliner or trying to make my seriously straight hair do something other than glue itself to my scalp-I ask myself questions and practice my fabulously spontaneous, yet witty answers. Anytime Chelsea Handler, I am waiting on your call. My people will get back to you. Sadly, my people is 8 and will probably want to discuss clothing rather than booking me on your show.

4. Miranda from The Devil Wears Prada-In all honesty I wasn’t super inspired by this character in the book but when Meryl Streep brought her to the screen I was hooked-a strike of lightning lit up something in that thick skull of mine. Add in Stanley Tucci warning people to “gird their loins” as she came by and all the coat flinging, fabulous attire, ridiculous requests, and death stares she gave-I was all dude, I can TOTALLY do this job. Minus the pathetic and mildly depressing personal life. Mine rocks. Sadly, this is a fictious person which makes it rather hard to aspire to in any sort of fully formed plan. But a girl can dream…and then I came across…

5. Kelly Cutrone-I can not even BEGIN to tell you how excellent I would be at this job. I’m utterly OCD by nature, check out one of my family vacation spreadsheets if you think I’m kidding. After years of being an event manager and running trade shows I am totally down with all the organizational, planning, schmoozing requirements. I’m also naturally gifted in the bossy department. Even better? In addition to it actually being a real live job possibility (unlike Miranda from TDWP)-it still involves fashion, which as my friend Ronda said, is like my porn. In addition, I would bathe and put on makeup and dress better and stuff. She has access to unbelievable clothing and she’s always in big tops and leggings-I don’t understand. I would also, possibly, be a little nicer. Maybe. Bonus? She got to write a book.

6. Showgirl– I LOVE being on stage and I adore anything sparkly but I’m not so good at acting and am only okay at singing so wearing something shiny would probably be the extent of my abilities. I remember my parents talking about seeing shows in Paris and totally not understanding what the big deal was. And then I SAW a showgirl and I got it. I once hired a model for one of my events who got paid to dress up in showgirl outfits on a regular basis, I was completely in awe of this. If I were tall, coordinated, and thought it was even a possibility I could carry a gillion feathers and beads on my head with my nipples barely covered and dance, let alone walk, I would be in Vegas right this very second up there on stage in Jubilee or something. And oh lord, how I LOVE a feather boa. For real.

7. Stripper-In college I was actually once offered a job as a stripper. I didn’t take it. Or even consider it. There’s nothing cute about gross men in Alabama strip bars and nothing sparkly involved at all. Plus, they don’t wear cute shoes. I can’t deal with lucite. Or thongs.

8. Teacher– Apparently when I was in college, I had some sort of temporary lobotomy and they removed the portion of my brain that held the ability to recollect two very important facts. 1. I am not so fond of children. And 2. I have NO patience. None. Not even a modicum. Not even a speck. Yet I somehow still majored in education, elementary education at that, for a whole 2 months or something. I can’t be super accurate about the time as I had approximately 27 majors in my two and a half years at Auburn and didn’t actually attend class enough to recall what I was studying at any given time. That might actually explain how I lasted so long in elementary ed. I hadn’t been to class in so long that I merely forgot what my major was. I buy that.

9. Reporter-I did actually end up with a degree in Communications and English and for quite some time I had this illusions that I was going to go work for CNN and travel the world covering war zones and other craziness. The same issues that prevented me from pursuing archaeology reared their head once again, I STILL don’t like to be sweaty, dirty, or in dangerous situations. For this, I hold Robert Redford and Michelle Pfeiffer equally responsible.

10. Stylist-This is another one I really could actually do. Despite my tendency to wear pj’s and a cashmere lounge outfit entirely too often in public, I do actually have a pretty good sense of style. This is one thing that people routinely both ask my opinion about AND compliment me on. Plus, I eat more (obviously) and whine far less than Rachel Zoe so I wouldn’t be nearly as annoying. I often have to fight the urge to start picking things off people’s clothing or suggest that maybe something else might work better for them. When I was younger, I was a manager at an Ann Taylor and people actually liked me helping them because I was honest. If somebody had on an outfit that was going to require lube to get them out, I didn’t blow sunshine up their ass-I found something better for them. I can only imagine what I could do with unlimited resources and my own  mobile version of What Not to Wear.  I wish Huntsville had a swanky enough department store to utilize me as a personal shopper. Plus, I have this ability to catalog in my head where I saw something, how much, an alternative, and if someone else recently wore something like it. Sadly, this does not hold true for my own closet. I recently found 12 nearly identical black cardigans. Bratchild often has to remind me if I already have one of something.

So until I grow a foot and learn to walk, you can find me here.

And there you have it, a nice round list of 10. What about you guys? What did you want to be? Did you end up with something you never thought you’d do? What was your wildest career dream?

Feel free to talk amongst yourselves below.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 8, 2010 9:55 PM

    You know, I have to tell you, I really enjoy this blog and the insight from everyone who participates. I find it to be refreshing and very informative. I wish there were more blogs like it. Anyway, I felt it was about time I posted, Ive spent most of my time here just lurking and reading, but today for some reason I just felt compelled to say this.

  2. March 28, 2010 9:33 AM

    Great list, Amy! I, too, wanted to be an archaeologist when I was younger. My biggest dream, however, was to become an ambassador. Specifically, US ambassador to Mexico or Spain. Yeah, big dreams! I majored in International Relations, but never went any further than that. And now I’ve been a SAHM for > 5 years, so that’s never going to happen… LOL. I did somehow end up living near DC, though!

  3. Nina J permalink
    June 20, 2010 4:26 AM

    I totally wanted to be an archaeologist too! Absolutely loved the idea of digging up a complete t-rex and becoming famous….But i’m blame the jurassic park trilogy…
    and I did consider being a secret agent too…….along with a host of other crazy ideas….

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