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Take with Food

March 22, 2010

Anything that has to have that on it should have it large and prominent-like in flashing neon letters that speak to you. More on that later…

First off-I’m BACK! Did you miss me? We went California dreamin’ for spring break and I was banned from using my laptop for the week. I took it with me nonetheless…in case of emergency but sadly, needing to check out all my blogs I love to read was not decreed a state of emergency. So I just twitched a lot and broke out in hives and gazed lovingly at my laptop from across the room. And really, there is only so much you can do from a blackberry before it just becomes annoying.

My poor little laptop was MOST displeased with me when I did turn it on for the first time in over a week-refusing to power up correctly and just being ornery. And, of course, I yelled at my hubs about this since it was clearly his fault and part of his evil plan to gradually deny me access to technology since my blackberry was asshatting earlier as was my cable. Doesn’t my digital hd stuff KNOW that Nurse Jackie AND United States of Tara start back tonight so this is not a day to fuck with me?

Oh, if I seem more disjointed than normal, it’s cause I am. I’m sick. The great unwashed Disney masses took their toll and rendered J and I fevered and sore throated. It is excruciating to talk. J never gets sick so I’m almost sure the end is near-this being the third sign of the apocalypse. The first was me buying crocs and then the second was the health care reform passing-discovered by me around midnight after we landed in old Huntsvegas.

Any of you ever have that nightmare where you’re on a plane and when you land there’s been an earthquake, catastrophe, everyone’s faces fell off, you somehow traveled to an alternate universe where nobody knows you and you have no home? Anyone? Just me? Huh. Add old episodes of The Twilight Zone to the list of things I am not allowed to watch. Seriously I asked J to get 2012 so we could watch it was answered with silence. And a head shake.

Rambling on, J swears he can pinpoint patient 1; an old lady at Disney wearing some sort of sari, a hooded black sweatshirt, sunglasses, and slip on tennis shoes with skulls on them. When she coughed in his general vicinity I am fairly positive I actually saw a clump of her lung get expelled and somehow land on J’s tongue right before he swallowed a dash of  Diet Coke.

I had these grand plans that I would post a shiny, spanking new, oh so witty blog about our California adventures, read the 200plus unread items in my google reader, and catch up on a week of recorded tv shows-all in a 3 hour time span of course.

Instead? I rustled up some lovely prescription cough/sore throat medicine and downed it. In hindsight, I should have saved onto it to make my fortune by selling it on the black market when simple medications are hard to come by. Instead, I took a large dose about thirty minutes before J decided we needed to go to the grocery store as we had no pop in the house and were therefore, completely unprepared for any zombie attacks. (No shit. My husband actually considers things like this.)

So we dropped bratchild off at dance, he drove-preventing what I now realize would have surely been a DUI-like rampage ending in death, dismemberment, and jail-if the death and dismemberment didn’t do everyone in first. While aimlessly following J around the grocery store, slipping on the floor, and walking into things-I was actually kindof enjoying the tunage at the local Kroger. So much so that when Cher’s “If I Could Turn Back Time” came on, I actually broke out in song. The hubs didn’t find anything all that odd about it as this is one of the songs I frequently sing and have accidentally called him several times while performing along with Cher in my car. Until I went on. And on. For a really long time. And threw in some arm thrusts and spins. Like the whole song thru about four aisles of the store. Past lots and lots of old people. And even THEN he didn’t say anything. Until I attempted to select shampoo and conditioner. And it took 40 minutes. FINALLY it occurred to him that something MIGHT possibly be a little more off than normal. So he went with “Are you drunk?” I tried to explain I was cool, had just taken some cough medicine and no, I didn’t eat anything when I took it and yes I had eaten toast, a granola bar, and chocolate pie today.

At checkout, we were id’d for our purchase of 3 bottles of nighttime Robitussin causing J to quip, “It’s cool, we’re making meth but I’m over 18.” I was a little pissed and complained that if I didn’t get my Robitussin because he thought he was funny, it wouldn’t be pretty. I’m shocked no people from adult protective services were called-is there such a group?

Get home and J shows me the bottle, pointing out the TAKE WITH FOOD-in teeny, tiny print.

And, just because everything has to be hard when  you’re sick and sedated and silly, the cable crapped out. So, OF COURSE, J lets me call knology to be walked thru resetting my box and just sits back and laughs while I unplug things and the customer service lady talks about megahurtzes and glips or something. All I really got was that I could watch my shows on non-hd channels and a technician is coming…sometime. I actually can’t recall when they said.

So I watched Dancing with the Stars and gave you lovely folks a codeine fueled blog. Some thoughts? Pamela Anderson’s body is Ka-razy and I’m fairly sure her partner is about to file a sexual assault charge against her, Buzz Aldrin didn’t call me a babe when we met (what the hell), I hope the reappearance of Shannon Doherty doesn’t lead to people calling me Brenda again, I don’t know who that Aiden cat is but am totally down with him shaking his wobbly bits all over the tv, am jealous of that Brooke chicks boobs,  and either Bruno has started drinking or I should as I couldn’t understand a damn word he said.

Oh wait, J says under the whole take with food nonsense there’s also something about drinking with this medication. Or NOT drinking with this medication as the case may be. Got it.

I think I shall have some no sugar added fudgesicles and go to bed.

Today’s presentation was brought to you by spell-check..and cough syrup. Clearly.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 22, 2010 9:42 PM

    I was a 1st time DWTS watcher, and I found it interesting. I wasn’t sure if Pamela was doing a Cha-cha or a Pole Dance (and I’m still not sure why she would want to have the blow-up doll lips, but to each her own.) Bruno must have been drinking, because his national accent changed every time. Len is a letch, ’cause he seemed to score the teams on how much cleavage he saw. And I could have sworn it sounded like Buzz said he is dancing to save the space program. All that & the jiggley bits left poor Kate WAY out of her league & looking as lost as a nerdy girl at a prom. (Not that I’d know; this nerdy girl wasn’t brave enough to go to prom.)

    Save some chocolate pie to go with the medicine; sounds like a real party in a bottle! (Hope you & the electronic get better soon. & J, too.)

  2. amyblam permalink*
    March 23, 2010 5:44 PM

    I don’t normally watch it but thought the cast for this one was interesting and Kate looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown!
    Thanks for the get well wishes! 🙂

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