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Just like riding a bike. Or? Not.

March 30, 2010

I think I am suffering from a big old severe, possibly life-threatening, case of spring fever.

Like I “worked” outside today. After almost 3 years of living and “working” out of this house-the wonders of wireless internet dawned upon me. The heavens opened up and a ray of light plopped right on my noggin-which apparently IS actually just a hat rack except mine holds sunglasses and headbands instead. Too much Gossip Girl. But anyhoo, so I worked outside today. Well, as much as anything I can do is considered work since I try pretty hard not to. Past seasons of Las Vegas and Supernatural are not going to watch themselves people!

And sitting outside and working had some off side effects. They made me want things. Well, 2 specific things. Buckets of margaritas and a bike. But probably not in conjunction with one another since we ALL know how spastic and uncoordinated I am. I used to adore riding a bike pretty much more than anything in the entire world. I would ride for HOURS at a time. I was also very skinny then-wonder if there is a correlation? Even after I could drive, I would still ride my bike for fun.

And then? Well, then I went to college. And as some of you may surmised, the majority of my college activities involved drinking and/or parties. And sometimes dates. But no real physical activity other than dancing on coolers at fraternity band parties (I have a chip in my front tooth from falling off one while I was drinking beer from a bottle and somehow knocked my tooth hard enough with it to take out a little piece.) Seriously. I once got a ticket for driving on the concourse at Auburn as I was in hot pursuit of the next clue in a scavenger hunt to find the rugby (maybe soccer) keg party. And I wasn’t going to do anything silly like park and walk to the eagle’s cage-that would have eaten up valuable seconds of party time.

My parents tried. Dorm move in day we made the requisite Wal-mart trip. (I don’t think Target existed then-don’t judge) And I left with a shiny new…wait for it…bike. My parents in a quaint and antiquated decision I STILL don’t comprehend decided I should be car-less at college. Ummm, okay? And I swear it’s not because they didn’t want me to have a way to get home, they really do like me. So it was decreed that I would bike to class (Totally foiled their plan by just not regularly going to class. Take that well-meaning, loving, and overly giving parents!)

Because my parents are my parents, they didn’t even attempt to load the bike up in the car. Daddy drove a Bonneville at the time, they could have fit a cruise ship and its staff in the trunk. But no, I would ride the bike back to my dorm. Fine. Whatever. Let’s get this show on the road. Tell the ‘rents I’ll see them back at the dorm. Not so much.

Mom: “Oh no, it’s okay. We’ll just follow you.”

Me: “Why? That’s ridiculous. Just drive and I’ll meet you.”

Mom: “No, we’re going to follow you so I can take pictures and we can make sure no one hits you with their car.”

Me: “Since you’re not going to be here to follow me to class, I think it’ll be okay.”

(In real life I’m sure there was much more whining but this is my blog so I’m editing it out.)

No. They followed me from the Wal-mart on College Street to the CDV Extension dorms. They followed me with the hazards going and my mother leaning out the window snapping pics. Don’t believe me?

Amy Bicycle Auburn

The very BEST thing about this photo is that on the back is written by my mother, “I love it! AB can ride a bike!” No CLUE that was on there till I dug this out of the picture box in the garage so I could scan it.

I would like to point out that despite being a size 2 at the time my ass still appears huge. No one looks cute riding a bike.

I can say with almost total certainty that I never rode this, or any other, bike again. Until today.

We took bratchild to a park in the neighborhood to work on her bike riding skills, she wants to ditch the training wheels and since I can’t ever figure out how to tell anyone how to correctly do something physical, I let J take the lead. Plus, he’s like a gillion times more patient and calmer and stuff. I particularly enjoyed the falling practice during which she put on the helmet, knee, and elbow pads and J tossed her around and on the ground and stuff while she giggled. Surprisingly neighbors did not call child services. J brought along  humungo bandages in preparation for mass casualties. He actually thought he was going to get to play medic when I showed bratchild how to ride her Barbie bike without training wheels. It may have worked out better had I NOT been wearing a denim mini skirt and Tory Burch thong cork-soled wedges. It didn’t really work out well as far as a how-to goes. The only thing that was shown to anyone where the massive white granny panties I was clad in. You know why they sell hi cut briefs? Because they’re freaking awesome and crazy comfy. I’m so sexy. I swear they come up to my nipples.

So now I really want a bike and clearly the kid needs a new one as well since she’s almost as tall as me (eh, maybe 8 inches shorter). Craziness. J insists that I have to wear a helmet and I totally pouted and pitched a fit until I realized that thewhole chin strap thing might actually hold in ALL my chins and give the illusion of there only being one. If you see me around town in a helmet, now you know why.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 31, 2010 8:30 AM

    Hmmm, I like your theory. I think we should make bike helmets the new spring fashion craze! You start it…I’ll follow your lead.

  2. March 31, 2010 11:14 AM

    You were very brave to ride your bike even that far. In high school, you could always find me on my bike. In Auburn? I’d soon played on the train tracks! It was dangerous to bike at AU! I know; I tried.

    Heck, it’s dangerous to bike in Alabama altogether. The cyclenauts aren’t just whistling through their lycra-britches. But then again, it’s hard to keep “Fattest State” status if exercise was safe ’round here.

  3. amyblam permalink*
    March 31, 2010 8:15 PM

    Amber, I’m thinking I could bedazzle it or something. You know, make it fancy.

    Are we STILL the fattest state? I thought it had moved to Mississippi-jeez.

  4. April 3, 2010 8:45 AM

    I’ve got a bad case of Spring Fever myself! It’s been in the 80s here the last few days, and I have to go back to work on Monday. *sigh* SITS sent me by, and I’m glad they did!

    I’m Proud to be an American

  5. April 3, 2010 9:07 AM

    Hi lady! Just stopping by to wish you a happy SITS Saturday Sharefest. Have a great weekend!

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