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Why I am mad at Target. Again.

April 15, 2010

I occasionally get pissed at Target, not as much as other places-but enough.

Now don’t get me wrong-I was thrilled when we got a Tar-ghey. Even though they put it on the shitty side of town-go figure. So I was even MORE thrilled when we got one close to my house.

And I love Target, I do. But their return policies piss me off. Like when I wanted to bring back a $9 Merona straw beach tote and get store credit-and they wouldn’t do it. I was all, “But I’m about to spend like $200 here on crap and groceries.” No go. We patched it up and our relationship moved forward. And other than random idiots, see this post, we’ve been getting along swimmingly.

We’ve already addressed the fact that I am a size 14, and still pissed at Lilly Pulitzer. (Really if I WANT to pay $170 for a cotton sun dress and you supposedly make everything up to a 16 except for a few things you make in “select” sizes, than I should be able to buy it in a 14 for the love of cheezus. And no, still haven’t emailed my new friend JJ. I’ve been corresponding with the Spanx people who have yet to piss me off.)

ANYWAYS. So yes, in Ann Taylor and Lilly I am always a 14. In Lauren and Calvin Klein dresses, I am a 12. I don’t try on clothes-it’s obnoxious. And I get ill when people try on crap and get makeup and deoderant on it. I can generally look at something, tell if it will fit right, if it’s made well and if it will flatter my body type. I don’t like people to help me in stores, except to ring me up. Clothes are my thing-I am really good at clothes. I’m even good at figuring what will work on other folks. I really want my own version of What Not to Wear, except I want to ambush people in airports. (That would be excellent tv. Crabby people badly dressed in airports? Television GOLD)

But since I try not to work a whole lot and everything I owned was dry clean only, I’ve been picking up basics at Old Navy and Target. Again, no problem. Merona and what not-a 14.

Until today. I bought a white, cotton, knee-length skirt at Target and, of course, didn’t try it on. Went to wear it today and couldn’t get that little biatch zipped-not even close, like the closest the zipper would get was 2 inches apart. (Further proof? I have similar skirts from last year, in a 14, that still fit.)

So the hubs and I decide to grab dinner and I say, “Awesome. We can run this in to Target on the way.”

To my utter surprise he came in with me, but then immediately hightailed his hot little butt to electronics. In retrospect this was wise as the return process went like so:

Me: “Hi, I have a return and the receipt is in the bag.” (Very proud of myself for being all prepared and crap.)

Him: “Okay, was there anything wrong with it?”

Me: “Yes, there is. Target is cutting the clothes significantly smaller. I couldn’t get it close to zipped.”

(That smarmy ass had the nerve to laugh so hard he was turning red and THEN he says the following.)

Him: “Right. Sure they are. I know how that goes.” (wink, wink as he rubs his tummy.)

Me: “I am assuming you have a twitch in your eye and are rubbing your generous stomach because you have gas or irritable bowel from the 43 hot dogs I am guessing you inhaled from the snack stand, since I am almost positive you are not supposed to insinuate your guests are fat.”

Him: “Whatever lady, we all put on weight from time to time.”

Me: “Well, if that were true than none of my other REAL clothes not made by sad little Chinese children wouldn’t fit either. (Disclosure: I have no clue where the Target brand clothing items are made, it just sounded good at the time.) And, THIS very skirt I’m wearing? This ANN TAYLOR skirt is in fact a 14, and a recently purchased one at that.”

Him: snickering and eye rolling ensues.

Me: “No really. Here, just look at the tag.” (I am lifting up my shirt, leaning my rear on the counter and pulling down my waistband to show him the label and size tag by this point in time)

Him: “Ma’am, can we just return the skirt?”

Me: “Maybe that’s best.”

I wander off because I am mad and my husband finds me aimlessly wandering the store.

Hubs: “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, I thought you’d come to electronics but after awhile I gave up and went to the return counter and you weren’t there. But the guy working looked really traumatized and was talking to another manager/or salesperson-what the hell did you do?”

I relay the story to him and he’s all, “I’m glad I missed that. Are you banned from this place yet?” (Isn’t it amazing how if someone looks traumatized, he just assumes I’m involved? I can’t imagine why he feels that way.)

I wasn’t but I know he’s still hoping.

Anyone else noticed this about their clothing? Some of the smalls look almost infant-sized.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. April 16, 2010 1:46 AM

    hahah oh target. i used to work there and people totally get mad and i was always nice that guy really deserved what he got for saying that crap seriously. and i would have liked to see it hahaha.

  2. April 16, 2010 9:53 AM

    Wow.

    I’ve never had problems returning things to Target but I rarely make returns, so that’s probably why. I know when I was getting married and registering people on TheKnot.com were up in arms about Target’s return policy and how horrid it is.

  3. April 16, 2010 10:31 AM

    Um, yeah. That’s definitely flip-off worthy. They have a crazy return policy. They really do.

  4. April 16, 2010 5:32 PM

    I am further and further convinced you need your own TV show. Maybe a whole network. Like Oprah.

  5. April 16, 2010 7:23 PM

    So funny! And, so true! How come sizes are not uniform? Men’s sizes are!

    That guy is lucky you didn’t clock him!

  6. April 19, 2010 7:47 PM

    Target is a pain in the ass for a variety of reasons – but yes, their sizing seems to be ridiculously inconsistent right now. But, you got to traumatize a man who needed to be traumatized, so I’d say you got your revenge…

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