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Friday Flip-Offs 6/11

June 11, 2010

So here is my latest edition of Friday Flip-Offs. Gigi at Kludgy Mom, who birthed this awesome idea, has a linky on her site with all the peeps participating. I don’t know how to use linky things, so go there.

This week I’d like to flip-off my body. Seriously you are pissing me off. With all the exercising and eating well and drinking water, which I hate more than anything, it would be awesome if just a few lbs would drop off. I’m taking vitamins, sleeping 10 hours a night and generally just being more healthy. You are once again making me long to have my “not cancer but crazy diseased with something” thyroid slapped back in because, other than the huge growth, I appreciated that my thyroid issues afforded me the ability to be able to eat everything and still maintain 93 pounds.

Parents of 99% of the children in Target or anywhere else. No, it is not cute when your child stands and screams at the top of their lungs or knocks things off shelves or runs around and almost trips me 84 times. Nicer people would smile and tell you it’s okay. Not me lady. I wasn’t really kidding in Sams when I said you should duct tape your child into the cart. And possibly muzzle then. And whispering to please stop or ignoring it isn’t making you look sweet, it’s making you look like a moron. If I am whispering in bratchild’s ear in public, it’s usually something like, “If you don’t stop that right now I am going to break your leg off and beat you with it. If you don’t have money to buy something, which you don’t, you don’t touch it. Now shape up or we will won’t go to the pool/play the wii/let you out of the basement.”

The weather is still on my shit list. I need some consistent weather reporting. And sun on this body before I go to Mexico and fry like bacon which just made me laugh and think of Parker Posey in “Dazed and Confused.”

People who are “too busy” to spend 5 minutes getting me information I need but spend DAYS updating facebook pages and pictures.

Many of the new sales associates at Belk. Ummm, really? I’m carrying around an ARMFUL of Lilly Pulitzer clothing and no one wants to wait on me? When I worked retail, we a. got commission and b. had our sales tracked. I’m an easy sale people. I don’t need help, I’m usually ready to just be rung up and I almost never return things.

To people that don’t listen and don’t get that I work part-time. If I tell you that I work part-time and am not often in the office to check voicemail and that email is the BEST way to reach me because it comes to my phone-leaving me 6 upset voicemails from Friday at 6pm to Monday at 9am isn’t going to be very productive. Especially when I tell  you on Thursday that I won’t be in again until Monday some time but that I am more than happy to respond to your email-even on the weekend.

Anything hacked off you guys this week?

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

17 Comments leave one →
  1. June 11, 2010 10:29 AM

    Oh hell yeah Lady! I’m SO with you on the passive mothers in shopping land. Get your shit together please! Your snotty nose kid is NOT cute! Get him away from me! I think I look forward to your flips most of all! Love em! Have a great weekend!

  2. June 11, 2010 10:58 AM

    Lovely FFOs, if I do say so myself! Sounds like you had a rough week! Enjoy your weekend & thanks for visiting me. 🙂

  3. June 11, 2010 11:51 AM

    Wow. That was one heck of a week girl. I agree with the weather. It made my own personal flip list as well. And we could all flip off our body from time to time. Great flips.

  4. June 11, 2010 1:46 PM

    I did try duct-taping MLB once. It worked, but hubs threw a fit & since it was an old roll, it left sticky stuff all over his pjs. Eww. We stick with masking tape nowadays. Although I’ve offered all of his care-givers the option to duct tape him to the ceiling. They haven’t taken me up on the offer yet. And since the public do-gooders might arrest me for having unregistered duct tape publicly displayed, this is why we can’t go anywhere.

  5. June 11, 2010 2:04 PM

    hahaha, still lovin that you call your kiddo “bratchild”, and i’m the same way with mine….threatning their little lives! hope your weekend gets better.

  6. June 11, 2010 3:19 PM

    Fry like bacon you little piggies! FRY!!!


    Flipping off the bod seems to be a theme this week. It’s like everyone is about to resort to tapeworms.

    Sorry bout you coworkers. People have such issues listening and my god, email is soooo much easier anyway? Why anyone still uses a phone is beyond me.

  7. June 11, 2010 5:37 PM

    I despise those mothers. My daughter has a beast of a girl on her soccer team. This child smacks around the other kids, calls them names, doesn’t listen to the coach and just wanders around during the workout part of practice. And it’s not like they’re 5. They’re 11 and 12 year olds. The mother just sits there and pipes up, “Oh, sweetie, not a good choice.” every once and awhile. I’d give her a choice, if that was my kid.

    I’ve got a load of Friday flipoffs, but for today, I’d say to Kelly Bensimon and Jill Zarin for being such incorrigible bitches.

    • amyblam permalink*
      June 15, 2010 10:46 AM

      I still think Jill bothers me less than Alex. For some reason-Alex drives me up a wall.

  8. June 11, 2010 11:45 PM

    Hey Lady! I’m literally right there with you on the weather one! My mexico trip is in 3 weeks and the damn forecast calls for rain! Hello..its June…summer come out already. Have a good weekend girl!

  9. June 12, 2010 10:11 AM

    I just quit my part time job, and I cannot tell you how many people felt it was O.K. to call me at 9 p.m. on a Friday or over the weekend because apparently they couldn’t WAIT until business hours to book their precious children into music lessons. Let’s just say i was very good at making them feel VERY bad for disrupting me during evenings and weekends. Definitely flipworthy!

  10. June 13, 2010 12:02 AM

    Great flip offs! I always get mean stares from other parents when I loudly told my son to knock it off or he’ll be so sorry when he’s acting up in stores/public places.

  11. Shawna permalink
    June 13, 2010 9:07 AM

    thought I would catch up on a little Amy time this morning. Hate that we ran off last night AS SOON AS WE GOT THERE! WOuld have loved to visit with you!

    • amyblam permalink*
      June 15, 2010 10:45 AM

      Me too! Hated you kids were running off. I karaoked-it wasn’t pretty.

  12. June 14, 2010 9:01 PM

    I am mad at that stupid tornadoes and thunderstorms that are plaguing Indiana…and the 95 degree weather with 95 percent humidity that precedes them every day. I might not be anywhere exotic, but I am on vacation, dang it!

  13. June 15, 2010 12:00 PM

    Excellent flip-offs, Amy! I’d also like to flip-off the weather. The humidity is causing swampy conditions in any and all joints and nether regions, even though I -just- showered.

  14. June 15, 2010 1:49 PM

    Just came across your blog on a recommendation from another I read… Love it! I could never leave flip-offs for just Friday. I’m a full-time flipper-offer. 🙂 Other people’s children are are also at the top of my list this week!


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