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Friday Flip-Offs 6/18

June 18, 2010

Again and as always, a big thanks to Gigi at Kludgy Mom for the fabu idea. Go visit her and the other flippers who have linky-ed up. (Not to be confused with the sort of flippers that are on the wonder that is “Toddlers & Tiaras”)

First off this week, I’m flipping off ME. I have not been as on top of the comment returning and such as I normally am. I suck. The whole preparing for vacation thing involves like work and stuff. And we ALL know how hard I try to not work very much. Exhausting.

Danielle from the Real Housewives. You bother me to the point where I *almost* can’t watch the show. You are so crazy it’s not fun OR entertaining. I don’t think I should be this annoyed by someone I don’t know. And yes, if you don’t rsvp to an event and show up with a prison gang-there WILL NOT be seats for you.  And really? Nothing against ex-cons but who thinks it’s classy to bring them to a fundraiser AND then brag about it? It’s not very polite to the ex-cons either.

Mexico tour man. Ummm…I guess I should be flipping off myself for assuming that just because you advertise and allow people to book certain tours on certain days, that those tours AND days are available. Like when you say Chicken Pizza, one of the new wonderfuls, is available 7 days a week and I pick Tuesday but then you email me to tell me it’s only offered Monday, Wednesday and Friday-clearly I am the one who is confused. My bad.

The non-English speaking alterations lady who utilizes a pink sponge roller as a hair barrette EVERY single day. I get it, you don’t speak English. That’s fine. If you would quit trying to call me and have in-depth conversations about my five ball gowns that are being altered-we might get on better. You yelling at me in Chinese over the phone without the benefit of hand gestures is NOT conducive to me figuring out when the hell I am supposed to pick up my items, how much it will cost and how much you are whacking off a rather pricey dress from Saks. Yes, this is a big deal. I prefer your boss who just tells me I’m too fat for certain things. At least she’s clear about it. (Seriously kids, I won’t even go in and try things on unless I’m wearing Spanx. She told me she liked a pair of pants the other day and I may have teared up a little from the sheer emotion of it.)

And Spanx, you know I love you. You know if I had to choose between another child and having you for the rest of my life-that you are the CLEAR winner. And honestly? With the way my body reacted to the first pregnancy and that I have a 9-year-old and am still carrying around baby weight, if I had another one-I don’t think I would EVEN be able to get in Spanx again. But my love, I have a suggestion. Consider that some people are round and cellulitey and NOT tall. SO when I am wearing the high-waisted, mid-thigh version, it’s really more of a body stocking. WE NEED a high-waisted, boy short length with a pee-hole opening. Please rectify this sooner rather than later. I don’t want to have to send another email. The corresponding with you and JJ at Lilly Pulitzer is taking up a shocking amount of my time.

Q-tips. Why no, I didn’t realize you weren’t supposed to use them to clean your ears. I sort of though that was the whole reason for their existence.

Share your own flippers below. And no, I don’t mean the faux teeth inserts. And I’m still a little ill about the infants with better teeth, hair and spray tans than me.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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12 Comments leave one →
  1. June 18, 2010 9:46 AM

    Ahahaha! Hope your vacation goes well!

  2. June 18, 2010 9:50 AM

    HA HA HA!!! Once again you’ve made my Friday! 🙂

  3. June 18, 2010 9:57 AM

    hahaha, loved the Q-tips one. That falls in the “what the hell are they thinking” department for sure.

  4. June 18, 2010 11:08 AM

    Isn’t that Q-tip thing the WEIRDEST? I mean…they are the perfect design for ear cleanage.
    Whatever. Some rules were meant to be broken.

    • amyblam permalink*
      June 27, 2010 11:34 AM

      The whole Q-tip thing has been so hard not to do but seriously-I got all kinds of horrific ear pain and fluid built up behing the ear drum and the doc said it was from using q-tips.

  5. June 18, 2010 11:50 PM

    What’s this Qtip news? am I out of a loop?

    I about peed myself when I read your Spanx suggestion (speaking of pee holes).

    🙂 Always love seeing you on my blog!

  6. June 19, 2010 11:21 AM

    What the heck are q-tips for then?? Seriously?

  7. June 19, 2010 10:43 PM

    I’ve heard tale of this Q-tips not going in your ears thing, but I choose to ignore it.

    I’m sure your vacation is worth the frustration … it has to be, right?

    • amyblam permalink*
      June 27, 2010 11:18 AM

      It really was fantabulous.

  8. June 21, 2010 12:21 PM

    Right there with you on the whole Daniel from the New Jersey cast. It really is kind of creepy. Now I see why Dina left and never had her daughter on this season. It could easily make a turn for the worse. Bravo really needs to do some background checks on the people they have on their show. Her poor children too. Scary, Scary, Scary.

  9. June 23, 2010 8:04 PM

    Are they still doing that old Chicken Pizza gag? I thought that went out with the 90’s. Unfortunately the last time me and my husband went to Cancun (our 4th time there!) it was all about selling us timeshares. Really annoying. Hope it was great!

    • amyblam permalink*
      June 27, 2010 10:46 AM

      Ah yes, the Chicken Pizza. I was pretty bummed this time. The last time my hubs and I went there, it was great and there were no vendors inside CI. This time they were everywhere-following you around and shoving stuff in your face-was pretty awful.
      In 3 trips, I have actually never had anyone try to sell me a timeshare-the hubs says it’s cause I’m scary 🙂

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