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Friday Flip-Offs 7/23

July 23, 2010

Hooray for Friday! That means Flip-Offs. So I recently had someone ask me if I had a lot of pent up aggression. And I was all, uhhh, no cause I get it out on blog and usually while whatever stupidity is happening is going on. And I don’t want to write about things like I ate chicken for lunch and my child pooped 3.4 ounces and there’s an odd growth in my shower that I can’t get a handle on. I figure you peeps get enough of that in your own life-so I focus on the funny and the ridiculous.

Go holler at Gigi over at Kludgy Mom and follow the linky to visit the other flippers. Flipping off myself for not being able to get the linky code OR the flip-off image to play nice.

Marie Claire-you are just arunning all over my shit list lately. I failed to notice during our last meeting that you had someone sporting a  headpiece of net and sparkles that cost $2200. You make a huge deal over your “cheap” issue and spend the rest of the year making people feel like fashion is unattainable. Well done. Anybody that would spend that? Should be shot. You should be mixing high and low pieces and showing people how to wear items on any budget. One of my most complimented outfits is a one shoulder Old Navy dress I got on clearance for $7 paired with awesome shoes and a chunky necklace. Fabulous doesn’t heave to be fiercely expensive. Take notes. Better yet-let me come play editor for a day so I can realize my Devil Wears Prada/wanting to be Meryl’s version of Miranda when I grow up fantasy. Except without the craptastic home life. XOXO-Amy in Alabama

People that don’t respond to my 900 emails and calls and then get upset when I couldn’t help them…if I ask you for info and you DON’T give me any, it makes it hard. I’m just saying. If you email me a date and nothing else-I can’t work magic with that. I have yet to learn to read minds. Perhaps my new Droid X will help me hone that skill, it does everything else except wipe my butt and let me take pictures, and will further my quest for world/internet/publishing domination.

Verizon-why wouldn’t you let me pre-order a droid x? And WHY do I know more about your products then your employees? That’s not cool. I did NOT enjoy going to your store in the morning and having to wait in line. I also did not enjoy your incompetent list-keeper that couldn’t decide if she was keeping track of people manually or electronically-kind of like prison. And THEN you tell  me I got one of the last ones. If you had made me wait two hours, the whole time resisting snatching the keeper of the list bald, and then told me you were out? It kind of would’ve looked like the destruction scene in Dogma. Just saying. And yes, they still made people wait just to ORDER one.

Mac-why do I want to pay MORE for products that do less? Mac, I do not heart you at all. iTunes alone makes me want to kill someone. And your store?  I do NOT find it helpful to have only 3 laptops on display-just in different places around the store. And 20 of the same iPad? Also, employees would be a nice touch. I realize they were probably in the back cowering in terror due to the 93 little people under the age of 13 that had been deposited there by weary parents but you ARE being paid to be there and to at least ATTEMPT to be helpful. Maybe you should put a sign in the window? We do not offer daycare services. Just crappy, over-priced products. If you leave your child, we will sell them to Bill Gates.

Triple middle fingers and toes to my judgemental DVR. It is now censoring my program choices. A few weeks ago it held Kathy Griffin hostage. She was there, it just wouldn’t let me watch her. Now it randomly decides not to record certain things, just shows them as endlessly scheduled. I NEED to know what happens on ALL installments of Housewives. Get it together before Project Runway starts back. And Rachel Zoe. I MUST KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT TAYLOR. You’ve been warned.

The walls in our family room-because they are wood paneling and painted, they won’t let me put nails in them. You have to use drills. I am not allowed to use drills…or power tools, ladders, sharp knives and super glue. So I can’t hang all the new stuff I want to hang.

The makers of the Charlie St. Cloud movie-I KNOW I am going to want to see this and that it will cause me to weep uncontrollably. I just pray it’s not as bad as Hemingway in Love and War-my sister and I practically had to be admitted somewhere on a psychiatric hold with a suicide watch. And yes, I knew he didn’t have the happiest life, but stilll… Shut up-it’s not my fault.

Commentluv-after I badmouthed them, they took out a comment hit on me. Now when I try to use it on OTHER sites, despite all my pleading they won’t link up any blog post of mine. Seriously. I’m sorry? You rock. Rat bastards.

The people that made the Eat Pray Love movie. I do NOT appreciate you abusing one of my FAVE bands, Florence and the Machine to promote Wholia. It was okay when their music was on Gossip Girl. I love Gossip Girl. I do NOT sparkle heart Wholia Robberbutt. Or Eat Pray Love. It might not be that awful but it looked it so I didn’t read it. Instead I allow my Kindle to trick me in to reading Young Adult books. Some of them are rather racy.

Come on lovely readers, share your flips. It’s been all hot and sticky so I know you’ve got them!

Please don’t forget to occasionally vote for me by clicking on the juggling chick. And don’t forget-like me on FB and suggest away to your friends. When I get 500 likers, I’m giving away a $100 Amazon gift card and if someone you suggested wins. YOU get a $50 gift card also. But you can’t, ummm, suggest yourself.

One of my other endeavors, Southern Fried Snark, is giving away an iPAD on TUESDAY, JULY 27. Tweet, fb and blog about it for chances to win. Details here.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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28 Comments leave one →
  1. mairzeebp permalink
    July 23, 2010 7:24 AM

    I must know the truth about Taylor made me laugh out loud and, I have to be honest, the reason I will be tuning in to the premier episode of Rachel Zoe is because they grabbed me with that hook. And of course I want Brad to be my gay husband. Let’s flip off previews for shows that are either way better than the actual show or allude to something that you think will be a huge part of the episode only to find that they mention it in the last four minutes of the actual show. Hello Hills, Rachel Zoe, Real Housewives and Bethenny Getting Married, I’m talking to you. Oh, and I love Florence and the Machine. LOVE.

  2. July 23, 2010 9:49 AM

    I’m pretty much in love with your blog. Or you? Which is the correct profession here? Probably you since you make the blog. Yah. I’m going with that.
    OK. Charlie St. Cloud. I’m not necessarily a Zac fan – but this whole ‘brother’ issue is going to make me see it. And most likely do the ‘ugly cry’ – thank God it’s dark in theaters.
    Um. itunes is a total asshole. that is all.

  3. July 23, 2010 10:02 AM

    I love how you want to be Miranda for a day. Love that show. And DVR madness. I get so mad when you tell it to only record “NEW” espisodes and it records all of them. Pisses me right off.

  4. July 23, 2010 10:14 AM

    this is why I don’t read marie claire anymore. I read In Style, they have a good mix.

    and I am sick to death of ITunes and how crappy it is. I hate google, apple, microsoft and all the big guys. evil.

    but I do have Iphone envy.

    I love all things Bravo. It is the one channel that does not record properly on our DVR either. Why? Why, cable company?

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 23, 2010 10:34 AM

      Sometimes their guide schedule doesn’t match up with what they actually broadcast-drives me nuts.

  5. July 23, 2010 10:26 AM

    Great flips as usual 😀
    Speaking of Eat, Pray, Love…I can’t wait to watch it although the only reason I read her book was because it talk about Bali LOL.
    Have a great weekend

  6. July 23, 2010 10:32 AM

    I love that you are not allowed to play with power drills, ladders, sharp knives or superglue. Tack on “the stove” and I’m right there with you. 🙂 Happy Friday. Going to FB right now.

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 23, 2010 10:34 AM

      Thank you! I actually TRIED to use the stove yesterday and forgot to turn it off. Finally, like four hours later, bratchild was all-mom, you never turned the stove off. Awesome.

  7. Zippywood permalink
    July 23, 2010 10:49 AM

    Now that you mention it, I’m not only flipping off the Scuzzy entertainment industry for turning one of my favorite books in to a movie (because, really, what happened to the concept of original screenplays – instead of remakes and books into movies), I’m counting on Eat Pray Love sucking as much as Julie & Julia did – but I’m also flipping off the person who was insanely irresponsible in the casting of that, oh what did you call her (cuz I loved it) Wholia Robberbutt.

    Seriously, I want shove white hot pokers in my ears when they force me to listen to her laugh, and she is just NOT a good cryer, she looks HORRIBLE when she cries. . .and really, just not a fan. Nothing against Pretty Woman, or actually that lawyer one too. . .but they need to stop thinking that she is all that, because she is soooo NOT ALL THAT.

    When they make a movie of MY life, please slice and dice anyone who suggests Wholia. . . force Renee Z on them for me. . .thanks

  8. July 23, 2010 10:55 AM

    dear jen lancaster, I mean, Amyblam: you have the BEST FFO’s. saw you on the southern snark and loved it…

  9. July 23, 2010 12:10 PM

    Dear AB,

    Thanks for making me feel better. Summer is sooo looooooooong. So what’s this commentluv business? Is that a website. I’m sorry for being so clueless.

  10. July 23, 2010 2:25 PM

    You are crackin me up girl. Rat bastards. That’s a new one. That flip is brilliant and well deserved. Oh, and I actally flipped marie claire as well, but for other reasons. Hope your great flips help you have a better weekend.

  11. July 23, 2010 2:32 PM

    Once again, thanks for the laugh today. I always look forward to reading your posts 🙂

  12. July 23, 2010 3:29 PM

    You are so funny and always make me giggle!! I hate Apple with a passion and so far have managed to avoid most of their products….I do have a teeny iPod that I make my friends upload music onto ‘cos I’m too cheap to pay for iTunes!!!! Have a great weekend x

  13. July 23, 2010 4:00 PM

    My DVR has been acted weird, too. I hate it because there’s no one to get mad at. I can’t be mean to the DVR or the gods will punish me.

    Also? I thought I was the only one who lost her shit after In Love and War. So embarrassing!

  14. July 23, 2010 4:25 PM

    Holding Kathy Griffin hostage? That’s just wrong. I’ll bet Ryan Seacrest was involved. Unless it was that witch, Hasselbeck….

  15. July 23, 2010 5:47 PM

    Love the flip offs, especially the dvr…Mine has done that, only taking out the sound…GRR

  16. July 23, 2010 9:31 PM

    “I am not allowed to use drills…or power tools, ladders, sharp knives and super glue. ” <— LMFAO! You sound just like me! I banned myself from finger nail clippers and my sons nails too !

  17. July 23, 2010 10:47 PM

    I love the fact that you spare the baby non-sense….been there, done that, don’t need to hear it again. LOL. But if you did, I’m sure it would sound super funny.

    Macs are a swear word in our house. My husband is a computer guy and he hates Apple. So flip off…lol. 🙂 thanks for visiting my blog. You have a lovely one yourself.

  18. July 24, 2010 9:00 AM

    My Friday flip off is towards Grey’s Anatomy reruns on Lifetime because at least one of the 3 inevitably makes me cry like a total loser.

    I miss when that show was good.

    Happy weekend!

  19. July 24, 2010 1:09 PM

    Can I Friday flip off the bus? It follows no schedule that I can fathom. If it was winter, or work noticed if I was late, I’d be angrier – right now I just feel like I’m not quite “with it” yet as far as being “working mom” goes.

    Thanks for stopping by through LBC. I heart Gossip Girl too 🙂

  20. July 24, 2010 3:03 PM

    Im wish there was a daily Flip Off coz Im loving reading all your blogs! This is my first FFO and I cant believe what Ive been missing. Lol!

    I can relate to the walls and drills thing, ours need an industrial drill. I hate it! And god forbid if I let OH let lose with them, he tried to put a curtain pole up the other day and he drilled 3 holes, then ended up using the first hole. That pole is going to come down soon…. :/

  21. July 24, 2010 5:33 PM

    A giant Friday flip-off (one day late because OMG my life is not my own these days) to idiots going slower than me in the left lane and who force me to pass on the right. I definitely have road rage issues but driving home today was ridiculous. Much like a $2200 headpiece although my favorite is when they show a $700 tshirt. Yeah. Like that’s realistic. And don’t get me started on Apple which nearly caused me to have a breakdown the other day when I went in to buy a basic, pedestrian iPod or Verizon which is trying to be all Apple-y with it’s lists and check-ins but really it’s just another headache although I did manage to get my new Blackberry today with only minor drama. Speaking of drama – I’ve worn myself out. Now I need to go lie down.

  22. July 25, 2010 5:54 AM

    Amy!!!

    Can I just say that Marie Claire is on someone elses “$#it List” too? Check out Alexis’ vlog about it:
    http://www.depressionsandconfessions.com/2010/07/you-should-just-know-its-bad-to-sell-your-vagina/

    Anyway – I want to add to your Friday Flip’s with my own.

    1. HOT WEATHER! I hate you. You make me tired, extra crabby, and achy. I hate you hot weather – Where is the cool fall breezes that I love.
    2. McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys: you caused my child to freak out because I would not take her to McDonald’s to eat junk so she could get the toy. How DARE you.
    3. Starbuck’s – for making me an addict and enabling my ass to continue to grow.
    4. Plantar Fachitis: because my foot hurts.

    Amy – I shared an award with you because you are one of my favorite blogs out there! Check out my post entitled “Gold Star” and you will see your name and a link to your site listed there. =)

  23. July 25, 2010 8:29 AM

    I’ve got some Atlanta Housewives behind-the-scenes drama for you. One of the dudes on there owns a place called the Purple Door Salon. Wednesday afternoon, Atlanta police discovered a chop shop very close to the Purple Door, and a massive gun battle went down. Cameras showed women being evacuated from the salon — running, actually with their hair all up in foils, and the guy from Atlanta Housewives was on the news flapping his gums: “Ladies had to run to the fire station to have the chemicals rinsed out of their hair!” It was pretty hysterical.

  24. July 25, 2010 11:57 AM

    I freaking love you and we have only just met! Thanks for stopping by my blog during the tea party, I am super excited to find yours. I know its not still Friday but can add my flip off to stupid student drivers and their wussy teachers who sit idly picking their noses while the dookie in the drivers seat meanders down a main road at 15 miles below the speed limit starddling the dotted line and then makes a slow retarded left hand turn right across my lane with no warning…kid is lucky I didn’t hit him…with my car or my fist 🙂
    Anyway, thanks for letting me vent that, I look forward to reading more!!!!

  25. July 25, 2010 7:18 PM

    Yea, I’m having the same issue with my DVR. It just records what it wants, when it wants, despite the fact that I prompt it to record certain fav’s (and so what if they all fall into the “mindless dribble” category??).

    I hope you feel better now that you got that all off your chest (and thanks for making me laugh today). But I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you on Eat Pray Love. I loved that book! (*ducks from flying tomato*).

  26. July 26, 2010 2:29 AM

    Apple Store Employees are the WORST. I’m sorry, that haircut and small black t-shirt doesn’t make you a genius, and this sure as hell doesn’t look like a bar to me…

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