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BlogHer 2010, a gateway drug

July 26, 2010

So I have been so busy being excited about the “open” parties I’m going to (SocialLuxe, The People’s Party, Sparklecorn and Cheeseburgher) PLUS trying to figure out when the hell I’m going to shop, I mean sightsee, that I didn’t even know about “private ” parties until 2 days ago. (Thanks Amber Page– you dirty biatch 🙂 No really. I LOVE her and can’t wait to meet her.)

Was I bummed to not be invited to any? Sure. Will it ruin my time? Not even a little bit. I mean, really it’s their loss. I am a Professional Partier-no seriously, I get paid to write about parties. ‘Tis true. I bringeth the fun. Unless I don’t.

Anyhoo so I was explaining, well whining, to my hubs that I didn’t get invited to any private parties. AND that I didn’t even know they existed until like 2 days ago. And he was all but YOU’RE going to like 4 parties. Yeah, no, this is different.
And then he pointed out that since I regularly offend my mother, don’t have ads and don’t do product giveaways that I am, in fact, NOBODY’S target market.

Well, shit, when you put it like that…

Despite having never attended a blogging conference-after 6-plus years in corporate event management for a computer company, I do have some general conference tips-especially after reading up on last year’s Blogher.

Attire-I am so tired of reading to wear whatever you’re comfortable in. Really? Cause I’m comfortable un-bathed, bra and panty-less and wearing pj’s. I’m even more comfortable if it’s 2 pm and I am unable to recall if I’ve brushed my teeth that day. Is that appropriate? No? I did find this post where they were more honest about attire and I was really glad. I don’t care what anybody says-there is appropriate attire for MOST situations. (Why yes, sometimes pj’s are the dress code for Kroger.)

There are actually SOME things I am traditional about, pausing so you all can collectively gasp. Religion, family, fashion and a few other things. (I’m Episcopalian. No, I don’t think rock bands in church and casual church should be the norm. Give me formal prayers and some ritual.)

If you want to meet brands and other bloggers and attend swanky parties? MHO? You shouldn’t do it in jeans and sports jerseys. But I wear skirts and dresses most of the time anyways. Do you need a ball gown? No. But wear what makes you feel and look your best. Respect yourself. If you can rock a pair pj’s-go for it but don’t expect other people to appreciate your aesthetic. I will say, there was this lady who attended several of my events and she always wore animal slippers and black tights. It was disconcerting. (If anyone has a suggestion for how I can rock my pink feather boa and sparkly crown, I’m trying to work it in to the wardrobe rotation on a more regular basis. Blogher seems a grand place to start.)

And then I read there was drama and swag issue and people throwing babies off hotel balconies in exchange for stress balls. Really? I ORDERED swag forever and is it really worth looking like Danielle is bitch better Staub, I mean a classless swag whore, for some pens and detergent? I retain the right to change my opinion should any of the following happen:
1. Kathy Griffin shows up
2. Ann Taylor/Macy’s/Nordstrom/Saks gives out gift cards
3. Spanx gives out product (No, those biatches STILL have not sent me free shit. I do more for them than ads. Good lord.)
4. On-site teeth bleaching

Any of the above events could create the perfect storm in which I froth at the mouth, drool on myself, clamber over the innocent dad hiding in a corner while using a baby in a sling as a shield. In which case, I’m borrowing J’s armor and a helmet and all bets are off. Some of my heels could puncture a throat. For reals.

Also? Companies think you look like an ASS if you beg, whine and cajole for swag. As someone who’s worked LOTS of booths and handled prize drawings, trust me. MOST companies allocate 1 giveaway per attendee. Need extra? Go back the last couple hours the hall is open. Companies like to give out free shit-but they also like to give it out to everybody. By the end of the event-they are THRILLED to hand out extras. And that whole whining that your kids will fight if you don’t bring home 12 key chain etch a skecthes? DON’T GIVE IT TO THEM THEN. Cause honestly? Giving your infant a light-up yoyo? Isn’t that a safety hazard or something?

Mainly I am THRILLED to be attending a conference I am not planning/working on. I’ve never done that. I think it will be lovely to NOT have to get up at 7am after staying up till 4am in Vegas to have to wander through a casino to talk to a dockmaster. And yes, I did this in the Venetian. In loud cocktail printed pj’s.

Have I been stressing about what to wear? Yes. I like to look nice. For me. I don’t give a shit what others think. Am I stressed about scheduling? Yes. Reminder beautiful Blammers, I make spreadsheets for vacation. Am I amazed that there’s drama and ridiculousness that people get caught up in and let it ruin their fun? Shocked. I don’t know about you-but I’ve NEVER let anyone rain on my parade and I’m not about to start now.

Am I super incredibly totally crazy excited about meeting and hanging out with some of you that I just love/worship/adore/sometimes wish I’d come up with shit you said? Please. That’s what I’m looking forward to the most.

Stupid blogher-you’ve got me eyeballing other conferences. What do they say? It only takes one time? After it’s all over, I think I’m going to start jonesing pretty soon. Mom 2.0 in April is looking pretty good…

What are you looking forward to the most? Are you stressed? Bummed you’re not going? Glad you’re not going? Want to meet up? Email me your digits and we’ll text-I loathe talking on the phone.

P.S. I could also lose all self-respect over free Lilly Pulitzer. Maybe.

P.P.S. I also suggest brining tylenol PM, mints, ear plugs and an eye shade. When you’re having a hard time sleeping in a loud hotel full of conference folk, you’ll be glad you have them. Except for the mints. Those are for daytime. Obviously.

P.P.P.S. Lysol. I keep reading NYC is having bed bug issues and they will come home with you and eat your house and stuff.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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20 Comments leave one →
  1. July 27, 2010 3:42 AM

    So envious of you getting to go to this conference in Fun City! Wish I could attend also, but as a newbie at blogging I did not find out about this until it was too late. I am sure that your wardrobe will be fab…Have a wonderful time!!!

  2. July 27, 2010 6:48 AM

    So jealous! Wish I was going. I procrastinated too long, bummer :(.

  3. Kate, aka guavalicious permalink
    July 27, 2010 7:36 AM

    Love this!
    “And then he pointed out that since I regularly offend my mother, don’t have ads and don’t do product giveaways that I am, in fact, NOBODY’S target market.”

    That must be why my private party invites were lost in the mail too. 😉

  4. July 27, 2010 7:49 AM

    Sorry to have been the one to break it to you, but this way you won’t be caught by surprise when we get there…you can be all suave and so, “Oh, private parties? I was invited, but I’d much rather be here, spending time with you.” Or something.

    If there are Macy’s gift cards, I will fight you for them. I hear there’s a whole FLOOR of shoes. A floor! Heaven, that’s what that is.

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 27, 2010 12:54 PM

      Oh, I’m glad I found out so I didn’t look like the dumbass at the event, well, more than usual. Wait? A whole FLOOR of shoes? Where is this magical place? Saks has an 8500 square foot shoe dept.

  5. July 27, 2010 8:32 AM

    at least you’re going. Not that I”m a spiteful jealous hateful bitch or anything.

    You’ll see my BlogHer snark next week.

    and maybe I”ll see you at Mom 2.0.

    As for BlogHer….show ’em how us little people roll, okay?

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 27, 2010 12:55 PM

      Oh, I certainly will. Screw you and your 9011 million followers.
      I can’t wait to read your post!

  6. Allison C. permalink
    July 27, 2010 10:12 AM

    Spanx needs to pony up the freebies – You are responsible for selling out the pencil skirt stock here in the Rocket City. 🙂

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 27, 2010 12:56 PM

      I choose to believe it is solely because of me that they have sold so much and been able to expand their product offering. Holding out for a longline strapless bra from them.

  7. July 27, 2010 11:27 AM

    you are a smart lady amy blam 🙂 and i’m pro-traditional church, too. if i’m not yawning then church isn’t doing its job darn it!

    have fun in the nyc and you know if i was throwing a private party you’d so be invited.

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 27, 2010 12:56 PM

      And I would SO come to your party.

  8. July 27, 2010 3:27 PM

    Amyblam, You girl, will rule BlogHer. I’m not going, but I didn’t have any overwhelming desire to go. The only reason I would think about going to a blogging conference would be to meet my sparkly, lovely friends and have a cocktail or 5 with you ladies.

    And don’t fret about the private parties, your hubs is right, it’s the ad and review blogs who are getting invited to those things. It has nothing to do with great writing and pinkalicious personality, cause if it did, you would be on the V.I.P.

    Oh and here’s the tips from my sister-in-law who works for the CDC on bedbugs. To check for them, lift up the fitted sheet and inspect the mattress, focusing on the seams. Bedbugs will have light brown skin, translucent. If you see black spots the size of poppy seeds, those are bedbug droppings. Inspect the headboard, the top of the mattress, the mattress tag is a big place for them. Also look in nightstand drawers, too. Put your luggage on a stand. Never put it on a bed or a floor. And if you suspect bed bugs, when you get home, leave your luggage outside and bring your laundry in to the washer, washing it in hot water and drying it thoroughly. I always check everywhere I go.

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 29, 2010 11:17 AM

      I wish you were coming! Just so we could hang out.
      And now I’m even MORE freaked out by bedbugs. What if I find them? Then what?
      After further research I learned that lysol probably won’t kill them. Ugh.

  9. July 28, 2010 10:58 AM

    Yea! I’m going to BlogHer (Saturday only, though. . . long story). I have never been to a conference. Ever. I am also going to Sparklecorn. I bet you could you could rock your tiara and feather boa there.

    Danielle Stuab, Kathy Griffin . . .why are we just meeting now? 🙂

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 29, 2010 11:18 AM

      I’m totally packing them. Just because you said so.

  10. July 28, 2010 12:52 PM

    How exciting! I was certainly not invited and probably never will be – since I only have 22 followers currently. I’ll have to live through it vicariously! And I’m also a cradle Episcopalian, so I totally know what your talking about with the whole religion thing!

    Joann, your bedbug inspection guidelines totally grossed me out. Eeewww.
    (but good to know, nonetheless)

    HAVE A GRAND TIME!!

    • amyblam permalink*
      July 29, 2010 11:21 AM

      I’ve been trying to comment on your blog but I keep getting error messages. Weird.

  11. July 29, 2010 7:13 PM

    I JUST worked a conference and I was appalled at how many successful, professional attendees descended on our table like starving children being given their first meal in a month. I swear – this one woman who is in a very high position – swung by no less than 6 times grabbing 3 – 4 highlighters at a time. It was like we were her own personal Staples. SWAG makes people stupid.

  12. July 30, 2010 6:01 AM

    I’m going for the first time too. I know this is going to sound a little crazy and this is my first comment here ever so that will seem even crazier but…

    I am an EXPERT in bed bugs because I am an Adult Protection social worker and have to go into houses where there are bed bugs and all that. I even have a bed bug kit! That said, Lysol will not help. I would advise that you strip the bed in the hotel and look into the seems to look for the tell tale black dots they leave behind. That’s what I’ll be doing because I am paranoid. If you need help, look for me – I’ll be the one in the hazmat suit (I kid, I kid – I’m not that crazy).

    How’s that for a first comment?

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