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Friday Flip-Offs 9/17

September 17, 2010

It’s Friday so I’m flipping. Not bodily, that would be hilarious and probably tragedy inducing. I’m only exercising my fingers. Visit Momma Kiss and check out the other funny flipper offers.

Well I am writing my flips at 3 am while Village of the Damned plays in the background.

I’m going to go ahead and flip off that movie for being stupid and so lame that it doesn’t even scare me, the wussiest person on the planet when it comes to scary movies.

I’m again flipping off my stomach since it’s the reason I am up at this terrible hour and unable to sleep. *sigh*

I’m also flipping off the sidewalks of NYC. When I fell, I was too busy trying to get up and gather my belongings that I ignored the pain. More than a month later, my ankle is still acting screwy and doesn’t like to move certain ways and it hurts. My shoes were probably partially to blame but I can’t bear to flip them off.

Damn you Cheryl and Co. cookies! I finally ate them and got them out of the house. I think each cookie has 3,000 calories-that’s probably why they’re so good.

Along food lines, I shall also give a giant middle finger to Five Guys. Your fries are the yummiest and I read somewhere the worst for you out of every food place out there. The combo of grease and friedness and salt is too much for me.

I’m flipping off stores that carry hooker clothes for children. Seriously ya’ll, even Target is in on the the skankifying of youngsters. They had vinyl, faux leather leggings. I told bratchild she should never wear anything that could be wiped clean with a wet washcloth. They also had lace leggings and skirts made out of cheap tulle that I am fairly certain are constructed out of fabric so awful that it would burst into flames upon contact with a low wattage lightbulb. What’s even more disturbing? I’m QUITE positive that I will see children at bratchild’s school sporting these and other atrocities such as glitter jeans and clothing with words on the bottom.

Which leads me to flipping off the parents that dress their children as skanks. Seriously? Obviously people buy this shit or it wouldn’t be at stores. On the plus side, the fact that children are being outfitted for pole dancing at the tender age of 6 makes it easy for me to pick up things at Strasburg. They had a crazy cheap unheard off $33 dress sale and in bratchild’s size there were LOTS left to choose from.

(And don’t give me that bullshit that that’s what your kid wants. They’re YOUR kid, they’re  in elementary school. Last time I checked they didn’t have drivers licenses OR credit cards. If you can’t guide them now-what the hell are you going to do when they’re older? I would also like to point out that UNTIL I WAS IN COLLEGE I had never gone shopping by myself, for clothes anyways. My parents took us to Parisian a couple times a year during Bargain Days (remember what a big deal that used to be?) and would let us pick out everything we needed for that season. Needed a dress for a special occasion? Same deal. My dad took me to buy my senior prom dress. And I LIKED shopping with them. AND not paying for stuff.)

Anyhoo, if your children aren’t a little scared of you, you’re not doing it right.

Lastly, the weather. It’s a few days away from the OFFICIAL start of fall. Please cool the fuck off. I’m tired of anything above 80. I have fabulous fall items I adore and want to wear. Fall is my very favoritest season.

I have more things that deserve a Friday Flip-off but my phenargen is starting to kick in so I should wrap this up before I type while I sleep or drool on my keyboard.

What are you guys hacked off about this week?

P.S. I would like to add that sometimes I wish bratchild had a license and could go get me milkshakes.

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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26 Comments leave one →
  1. September 17, 2010 7:00 AM

    Thank you again Amy for making my week! I have finally joined in the fun. As always, love every bit of your post.

    http://mypajamadays.com/2010/09/17/first-ever-friday-flip-off/

    – Emily

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 8:54 PM

      I’m glad you joined in!

  2. September 17, 2010 9:13 AM

    This quote…”Anyhoo, if your children aren’t a little scared of you, you’re not doing it right.”

    Afuckingmen!

    Be your child’s parent, not their friend.

  3. September 17, 2010 9:50 AM

    “stores that carry hooker clothes for children”

    So flipping them off with you, along with the parents that buy those clothes. I saw a dad walking with his daughter (no more than 8) who had a mini skirt on and a halter top. Parents, stop hoochifying your kids!

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 8:56 PM

      I honestly can’t figure out why they think it is okay?

  4. September 17, 2010 10:15 AM

    “Hooker clothes for children.” Haha, LOVE IT. You’re amazing.

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 8:57 PM

      Some of these clothes look like they should come with a gift with purchase. And the gift would be a strippernpole unfortunately.

  5. September 17, 2010 11:21 AM

    Oh, I’m so with you on kiddie hooker clothes and the parents who actually let their kids wear them. WTH?! It boggles the mind the lengths people go to so as not to be bothered disciplining or setting boundaries for their children. Seriously.

  6. September 17, 2010 12:04 PM

    I have avoided Five Guys ever since I was going to a store that was right next door to one and there was an ambulance out front with sirens a-blarin’.

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 8:58 PM

      I’m sure half the patrons were having a heart attack. But it’s so good, we went there tonight.

  7. September 17, 2010 12:38 PM

    You always have the Best Flips!! So detailed, makes me all pissed off right alongside ya. We have Five Guys (almost typed “guts”. Snort) and it is evil. If I intend to keep this ass in new jeans I can’t even smell the fries. And now? Another “Thank JezooChristo” that I don’t have girls. My boys love sweats and t-shirts.

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 9:01 PM

      Are you hosting tomorrow’s flips?

  8. September 17, 2010 4:27 PM

    I second your flip off on the weather….I am soooo sick of hot weather!!!! Hope you are feeling better today:)

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 9:02 PM

      Overe it. Ready for constant fifties and sixties. Fall and winter clothes are just lovelier.

  9. September 18, 2010 12:28 AM

    OMG hooker clothes for kids… um yeah… crazy huh?! in my house the rule has been made that you can’t dress like a hooker until you can pay your own rent… lol

  10. September 18, 2010 6:39 AM

    OMG – hysterical! I sympathize, too, especially for the inability to flip-off your shoes. My current flip-off? That darned church I’ve never heard of before that keeps sending me 10 cent holy relic necklaces along with a plea for money. What am I supposed to do with the necklace? It’s junk but it has a cross on it? So unfair, trying to make me feel like a heathen and all when they should feel bad for pandering in such a way.

    Grrrr!

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 9:06 PM

      It’s just like palm crosses. I can’t throw them away and I never remember to take them back to church before ash Wednesday. Awewsome, I’m going to end up on Hoarders for palm crosses.

  11. Shawna permalink
    September 18, 2010 7:30 AM

    Totally didn’t shop by myself until college! What a hoot! And I think I literally bought all my clothes at Parisian’s, even special dresses. And my mother and I fought about all of it. However, the nice pantyhose with socks/keds combo always won. She said my legs were pale. Ahh, those were the days!

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 9:07 PM

      Hahahaha pantyhose with socks were locally. I think everything, dresses, socks, shoes of mine came from Parisian. Belk is so not the same.

  12. September 19, 2010 2:46 PM

    I’m joining you in the Flip-off to skank clothes for kids! Saw the faux leather pants at Target the other day along with a faux fur vest. I just didn’t know what to think of it. I can’t believe there are people who actually dress their children to look like real life Brat dolls. What our these kids going to wear when they’re actually pre-teens, teenagers, and adults?

    Cookies and fries. Regardless of where they are from, I’m flipping you off, but on the inside, I’m giving you so much love! Love/hate relationship!

    • amyblam permalink*
      September 23, 2010 9:14 PM

      I think they’ll be naked. In public.

  13. September 19, 2010 7:00 PM

    Five Guys fries are the embodiment of evil. At least the place doesn’t sell killer chocolate malts like Johnny Rockets does.

  14. September 19, 2010 7:31 PM

    I was going to AMEN your comment about how if your kids aren’t a bit scared of you you’re not doing it right but stacey beat me to it! I can’t understand this either. Not that my brother and I lived in fear of my parents but they ran the house and we understood and respected this. I don’t know many parents these days who have control over their kids; and I’m not judging (I don’t have kids of my own) but I just feel that certain guidelines should really be established at an early age. It’s okay to say no. But whatevs.

    Ick to skanky kids. I blame kiddie pageants 😦 What’s wrong with a child acting his/her age? OMG. I’ve officially morphed into my mom. Awesome.

    Sending healthy healing vibes to your ankle and tummy!! Hope you feel better soon.

  15. September 20, 2010 4:10 AM

    OMG you are so F’ing funny Amy!!!!! The Zippy Chix absolutely love you!

  16. September 21, 2010 4:20 PM

    😦 stomach 😦 sidewalk 😦

    I’m so with you on the weather. Ugh. It’s finally cooling off here in NYC

  17. September 21, 2010 8:48 PM

    Skanky clothes for elementary schoolers should be banned, and the parents who buy them should be burned at the stake. And that’s how I feel about that. I hope your stomach is better!

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