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Reality TV may NOT be my friend

October 13, 2010

I love reality tv. Some of it. For years I swore I wouldn’t watch it and then Tyra came on with her damn models. (And yes, I’ve learned some valuable pointers from Tyra and Nigel about attractive photo posing. So there.)

America’s Next Top Model proved to be a gateway drug. From there came Project Runway, The Girls Next Door, The Bachelor, Kardashians, Real Housewives (Beverly Hills starts Thursday!) and a few others.

I STILL won’t watch Jersey Shore, Survivor, I might be famous so let me wash my hair. Please. I have standards. It’s not like I’m a meth addict that will take trash any which way I can get it.

But lately, I’ve noticed that reality shows MAY be affecting things I want.

ESPECIALLY with the addition of Sister Wives. I have FOREVER said I wanted one and even asked J to bring one back from Utah (he didn’t.) And, of course, I’m  not really serious but letting some chick sleep in my basement and occasionally hook up with my hubs in exchange for doing laundry, changing sheets, blow drying my hair? Not SUCH a bad deal.

And on the show, they seem so normal-well, not the husband-he’s creeptastic. But they make sense with their oh you have your own time, chores are split up, I don’t have to cook, etc. I’m not going to grow my hair long and start wearing special underwear and stop showing my cleavage but you know…and I can MAYBE kind of see why some folks would.

BUT one of the wives has a fear of toasters. Seriously. Says they kill more people than sharks. I actually buy this but don’t need anymore irrational fears (I’m still stuck on solar flares and some EMP thing (not EVP, the ghost voices) that would apparently wipe out all electricity and kill everyone. Also the disappearance of bees. And my teeth falling out-I think this portion may need to be its own post. And now I also see the appeal of food hoarding/storage. For when the zombies come.)

TOASTERS are scary. As a child, I set the kitchen floor on fire with a toaster and a pop tart. Swear to jeebus.

Moving on to…Dancing with the Stars. It TOTALLY makes me want to take dance classes and then force J to wear sparkle tear away clothing and compete with me. Which would be bad because competitive and clutzy are NOT a good combo. Also? Since I’m SUCH a whore for sparkles, I really want to wear the outfits-like everywhere. To the grocery store even. If I drop weight, I seriously may wear NOTHING but sparkle and feather mini dresses.

I gave up tanning beds about a year ago, you know so I’d quite frying my ovaries (according to my mom) and burning my flesh and the skin cancer and all that. BUT DWTS makes me crave a tan. Remember, cellulite LOVES a tan. So flattering. (That link is to an OLD post that I still like.)

The Kardashians make me want to wear inappropriately tight clothing and hooker makeup…and that’s about all I get from them.

And The Bachelor/Bachelorette train wrecks cause me to have unrealistic date expectations. I occasionally find myself getting annoyed with J because he didn’t plan this crazy cool surprise THAT HE DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WANTED. And god help him if he DOES say he has a surprise. He’s bringing me ice cream and I’m expecting the staff of Double Exposure down here to take fabu pics of me. Or a book agent he’s holding hostage until they get me an awesome book deal. Or a cheap but excellent hitman that never gets caught (people look at you really weird when that’s number 1 on your Christmas list.) Or little Anthony from last season’s Project Runway who wants to be my exclusive clothes couturier and bff. (Like Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves except with fabric rather than fake hair and no unfortunate breakup.)

And no, I still haven’t heard anything back from the Project Mom casting thing I did while in NYC but can you guys even IMAGINE me on a tv show? There will definitely be excessive sparkles. And someone fixing my hair daily-probably with sparkles strewn throughout it. (I also realize I forgot to blog about the casting thing. But I will. Because it was hilarious.)

What is your opinion of reality tv? Love it? Hate it? Try out for every new one that comes along? Been on one? Have unrealistic expectations from partaking of too many? Lemme know…

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. October 13, 2010 2:39 AM

    I love all things reality too! (well…almost) You are the only other person besides me that I’ve heard say that Kody is creepy…I am so diggin’ the wives but him..not so much.

    The little couple started again last night…love them! Jen is adorable. Can’t believe I am going to start another Real Housewives….didn’t think I was going to watch the DC one but I’m hooked…so bring on Beverly Hills!

    As always, I enjoy reading your blogs 🙂 Happy Hump Day!

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:45 AM

      I think Beverly Hills has the potential to be the best one. My fave is new York, followed by new jersey, Atlanta, oc and dc,

  2. October 13, 2010 6:46 AM

    Reality TV makes me stabby. I can’t stand it. Any of it. And I totally blame reality for the the Kate Gosselin debacle which I prefer to call The Apocalypse of Humanity. Also – there’s an entire show about people who don’t know they are pregnant. AN ENTIRE SHOW. Not a 2-hour special. But multiple episodes. How many people don’t realize they’re knocked up? I can’t even go one because now I want to hot something. Preferably Kate Gosselin. Or maybe Snookie. (SNOOKIE. WHAT KIND OF NAME IS SNOOKIE???)

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:47 AM

      NOT knowing I’m pregnant is one of my biggest fears. Combine that with the wonderfulness, yet sometimes unnerving, experience, of not having a period for three years (thank you iud) and I worry upon occasion that I may give birth in a public restroom one day.

  3. October 13, 2010 6:57 AM

    Oh gosh, Amy…I am sooo a reality tv whore… and like you, I refuse to watch the Jersey Shores and Survivor. I also have this weird addiction to watching the Sister Wives. Though I don’t condone that life style, I am curious as hell as to how people can live like that. My husband keeps saying that he finally wised up when he took on a 4th wife because she is much cuter then the other 3 wives. But I keep saying this over and over again, you need your own reality show because your sense of humor just kills me every morning. I just have to make sure that I’m not chewing my breakfast or drinking my coffee while I’m reading your posts. 😛

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:48 AM

      She is much cuter…but I don’t think as nice. And the women say money is tight but they have some nice vehicles. Thanks! I’m glad it gives you a laugh.

  4. October 13, 2010 7:01 AM

    You are so right Amy….I did not realize how many reality shows that I actually like…until I read your list and noted that I too enjoy watching many of these. The Top Model show definitely assists with making sure that you look as good as can be when those pesky cameras are pointed your way. Lucky for digital….you can always check and make the offender take it again:) As for sister wives, that is a very intruiging show…I agree! I also get hooked into the Biggest Loser, yet another addicting show. Thanks for the reminder of the others that I should start watching:)

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:49 AM

      The biggest loser stressed me out, I couldn’t get into it because I kept thinking huh, I should try that exercise instead of sitting here with ice cream.

  5. October 13, 2010 7:05 AM

    Reality TV has never really interested me because it’s so not real. On so many of these shows it’s so obvious that certain situations are set up to fabricate drama etc. and I can’t get into them because of that.

    The only one I can’t seem to turn away from is Toddlers and Tiaras. Watching it instantly makes me feel like a better mom because even though I don’t have a daughter I know if I did I would never dress her up like a stripper at the age of 2.

    P.S. May your next gift be a bedazzler. You know, for sparkles. 🙂

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:50 AM

      Oh, I love Toddlers and Tiaras. So many of those children are Satan. There’s bad decisions and sparkles, it’s the best!
      They had bedazzlers thirty percent off at hobby lobby last week!

  6. October 13, 2010 7:20 AM

    Here’s my show: All those fabulous housewives. Except for the DC ones, they’re kind of snoozey. But oh my gosh! All the rest, with their drama and turning tables over and pathological lies and plastic surgery. I do so love them. They’re like crack, except better because you don’t lose your teeth in the addiction.

    And if there is a Top Model marathon on, forget anything else happening in my life. The world shuts down when it’s 24 hour Tyra.

    Now, that Sister Wife show is a whole other thing. That dude with his poofy mullet creeps me out almost as much as JimBob Duggar and his spray on hair. What is with these zealots and their hair? I won’t even get started on Mrs. Duggar’s mullet.

    I think those Sister Wives aren’t as slappy happy as they pretend to be. Yes, it might be nice to have someone blow dry your hair every day, but come on, I don’t want some other bitches yelling at MY kids. That is my right and my right only. And methinks they are all more than a tad bit jealous of the 31 year old with a lot less saggage coming into their brood. I sure wouldn’t want to be lounging around the pool with her. And I want less talking on that show and more living. I want to see how it all goes down. Are they all assigned nights with mullet man? Or does he just play footsies under the dinner table with whoever catches his fancy that night? I want to see them on their PMS days because I’m sure their cycles by now are all the same. I want to see them gang up on his mullet ass when they’re bloated and hating his hair and wondering why the hell they’re sharing such a cheeseball.

    Okay, guess that’s enough today, Amyblam. Sorry about the ramble but you hit my passion.

    • amyblam permalink*
      October 13, 2010 7:52 AM

      I’m not much on the dc housewives. They’re boring and not a good mix of people. Michael drives me insane.
      I don’t think the wives are all super happy, especially not the first one. I see your point about someone else yelling at my kids. I should be the only one making her miserable!

  7. October 13, 2010 8:32 AM

    I love reality tv too. mostly Project Runway, Top Chef, Top Model, and by far my favorite is Amazing Race.

  8. October 13, 2010 10:07 AM

    The only reality TV I watch is America’s Next Top Model. (Unless you count Ghosthunters, which I don’t.) I hate Tyra and her smizing, but I am totally addicted to the show. Moreso for the photography than the drama.

    Oh hey it’s on tonight! Are you watching this season?? Who do you like?

  9. October 13, 2010 12:54 PM

    If you make it to Project Mom, you have to promise to wear excessive sparkles (and maybe that tiara?) every day. That would rock. I am only mildly addicted to reality TV…I prefer the House Hunters and Top Chef variety.

    But I could totally learn to love a sister wife.

  10. Joe in N. Calif permalink
    October 13, 2010 3:56 PM

    For Survivor – drop them in the middle of nowhere, make ’em walk out. They get one pocket knife, one WWII surplus canteen.

    All the “fashion” based shows – where do they get those loons, hacks, and avant gard artiste’s? My GAWD – a 1st grade girls dress up tea party has better style sense.

    No comment on the shrieking, back stabbing harridans for the various “housewife” things.

    The only reality shows I watch, or can stand, are things like Top Chef, Next Food Network Star, and such.

  11. October 14, 2010 10:29 AM

    I am a reality TV addict. The Hills, Jersey Shore, Real World, The Bachelor, The Kardashians…. and I could go on. I love it all. It’s definitely a sickness, I swear.

  12. October 14, 2010 12:34 PM

    I hate to admit it but?

    I accidentally became addicted to wife swap.

    sigh.

  13. October 18, 2010 8:04 AM

    I’m a reality tv whore and I don’t care. My husband is too, so we’re a good match.

    top Model. Top Chef and all of its varieties. Amazing race. Survivor. House Hunters. Millionaire Matchmaker (you should watch that one if you don’t already). Real Housewives. DWTS. American Idol. I could go on.

    Now, if you tell me that you watched Paradise Hotel #1, one of the most decadent reality shows ever, then I will know we are bloggy soulmates.

    • October 19, 2010 10:49 AM

      Sorry to interrupt your swooning but I was ADDICTED to Paradise Hotel #1. David and Charla 4-EVA.

      I seriously think that show was so damn innovative, viewers could join the show IN PROGRESS. It doesn’t get better than that.

      So yes, I’ll just go ahead and say I LOVE reality TV. I never watche dBig Brother and Survivor until the most recent seasons and now I’m addicted to Survivor. Also add The Apprentice, Hoarders, Intervention, She’s Got The Look, Teen Mom… I think you get the idea… I go ALL the way down the totem pole. lower than anyone my age should ever go.

  14. October 18, 2010 8:05 AM

    ps. I for one am still anxiously awaiting your post on Project Mom casting.

  15. October 20, 2010 10:10 PM

    Gah! My entire comment! Gone 😦

    Anyhoo, I was just saying that like you, I don’t watch Jersey Shore (probably because I live in Jersey so I don’t have to venture far for spray tans and teased hair) or Survivor (that show just never appealed to me).

    But I’m also a reality TV show junkie.

    I think my favorite for like, REALLY BAD reality tv has to be Rock of Love (with Brett Michaels). Talk about a train wreck!

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