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Friday Flip-Offs 11/19

November 19, 2010

Well, it’s still Friday so there’s that.

After you finish reading and share your kvetches below, hop on over to Momma Kiss (mommakiss.blogspot.com) to check out other funny fabulous flipper offers…

Well I can’t link to it since WordPress has decided to “upgrade” something and now I can’t link to sites. Super. So WordPress you get two frustrated middle fingers to kick things off.

Two yummy lobster and butter drenched middle fingers go to PETA. You irk me anyways but you particularly pissed me off last week when you decided to protest my church’s LobsterFest. Ummm…it’s been going on for 16 years so way to be quick on the uptake AND it raises thousands and thousands of dollars for a local homeless shelter as well as the orphanage in Honduras and medical mission my church sponsors.

You PETA people, most of whom I consistently see in leather shoes, launched a massive email campaign and were planning a “big” protest. You even got a permit to protest. (As annoying as I often find PETA, I’m giving the government two middle fingers wrapped in red tape because a permit to protest? Seems fucked up. Doesn’t the constitution give the right to assemble peaceably and all that? Oh wait. Lots of government douchbags ignore the Constitution all the time. So George Washington’s ghost is flipping you off.)

ANYWAYS-you had a whopping two protestors show up with signs that said “WWJD?” and “Hitler boiled lobsters.” Your email campaign stated the church was murdering God’s creatures that have feelings AND saying we caused the community to become murderers by selling live lobsters. Ridiculous. My dad went down that morning to hassle the protesters and when one lady shouted “What would Jesus do?” to my dad, he suggested the potential wines Jesus could have chosen to have accompanied his lobster meal. (I come by it honestly people.)

Two middle fingers undergoing extreme hot flashes go to this Estrivan commercial I heard on XM. (Commercials and dj’s on xm get flipped off also. I don’t want chatter, I want music. I PAY for it.) ANYWAYS, according to this commercial I am going through one hell of a menopause complete with “hellish” symptoms. I’m 33. I haven’t had a period in THREE years-Oh, how I love you Mirena. This commercial is bullshit. When I posted something about it on twitter, estrivan started following me. Super.

Middle fingers plagued with vomiting and diarrhea go to people who eat gluten-free because it’s trendy. I hate you people. Lots. Next time you pick up the last box of the only decent tasting gluten-free pizza crusts and feel all pleased and smug because you’re hip, pause to remember those of us who have been HOSPITALIZED due to severe wheat allergies and have a hard enough time eating wheat-free items without you yahoos buying up all the stuff.

My hubs gets half-hearted not really serious middle fingers for his comments when we were shopping for Margarita Ball toys last night. It’s this HUGE ball/party/event in town put on by a group of men and the admission is unwrapped toys-one for a girl and one for a boy. It’s unbelievable the amount of toys they collect. Well, I was stressing out about what to buy as I always try to buy things without batteries because I don’t want a toy to become useless if the family can’t purchase batteries but I also want something fun.

So J starts chiding me and picks on me and says, “Whatever you get is fine. The parents are probably just going to return it to buy beer or something.” Now, I know he was just trying to get a rise out of me but it got me thinking. Do people really do that? If so, they deserve middle fingers. Lots of them.

Other than that, tonight we went to the ginormous tree lighting at one of our local malls. I love Christmas stuff. Especially if it’s sparkly and fun and over the top and lights and fake snow are involved. I ESPECIALLY love that they’ve NEVER managed to get the whole tree to light all at once. It makes me giggle.

Since there were thousands of people there, we hung around after so we didn’t get stuck in massive traffic. Bratchild, of course, wanted to go in Justice. Now, I have gotten annoyed with them before and will only buy select items there since lots of the time there clothes look like something out of the “Barbie can be a prostitute” line. (They didn’t like it when I told them that. I may have also said something along the lines of I’m not about to spend more on something to make my daughter look cheap.) But the whole store was 40% off so we went in.

I honestly don’t know who to flip off-the parents or the kids. One, possibly both, of them are getting millions of middle fingers covered in sickly sweet body glitter lotion. These girls, who were old enough to know better, were dumping bins of lip glosses and everything ALL over the floor and making a mess. They were shoving  grown-ups and generally being horrible little creatures. And the moms? Well, most of them stood about three feet away and watched.

When we were leaving, we were discussing what we were all thankful for. Bratchild said she was “thankful mom didn’t have a complete break apart in Justice.”

Out of the mouths of babes…

So…what’s got your tinsel twisted? Your turkey feathers ruffled? Share below!

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. November 20, 2010 9:18 AM

    I only have one Flip off for today and that friendly finger goes to my invisible maid, who hasn’t appeared and waved her magical wand to clean up after my family for me, while I am trying so hard to get my house together for Thanksgiving…where are you my mystical, yet, never around when I need you so I can sit on my butt all morning reading blogs, instead of getting ready for Thanksgiving or cleaning my house, or cooking lobster for my children, maid!!! Your fired! Unless you appear right now….no, okay, your still fired! Unless you show up now….Okay, now you are so fired! Unless….

    By the way, I LOVE all your Google Ads today for Lobster—-way too funny 🙂

  2. November 20, 2010 12:54 PM

    uhhm, didn’t Jesus eat fish?? Yes, yes he did. Did these protesters not know the story of the Fish and The Loaves?? Also, becasue lobster used to be considered food for the poor and prisoners, because it is a ‘bottom feeder,’ I’m *pretty* sure that Jesus and all of the disciples who were IMPRISONED ate it. Just sayin’ 🙂

    And Justice? gaaaahh.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog today!! And those boots you saw? uhmm, go back to my blog and check out my post ‘these boots are made for walking.’ *sigh*

  3. November 20, 2010 2:21 PM

    I was going to say pretty much what Kim wrote…obviously, those protesters don’t know their Bible very well. Jesus mostly hung out with fishermen — whadaya think he ate?

    My aunt would totally agree with you about the gluten thing.

  4. November 20, 2010 8:48 PM

    Yep, 2 fishes and 5 loaves of bread. And since some Bibles are loosely translated, maybe the real fish were lobsters. That’s really over the top.

    I love Christmas festivities and decor too. But I prefer that it starts AFTER Thanksgiving. And if you visit my blog today you’ll see a decoration I loved in the Big City. And in the next few days, I will post a picture of a ridiculous Christmas image I took.

  5. November 21, 2010 10:41 AM

    Hi there! i found you on Top Mommy BLogs. I am your newest follower via twitter!! I love finding new blogs and yours is lovely:) You can find me at http://www.bouffeebambini.blogspot.com
    Have a peek at my giveaways if you come by. Everything is handmade and GORGEOUS! I’m also giving away a $110 baby carrier:)

  6. November 22, 2010 12:57 PM

    I’m ignorant on the gluten thing – how much? The first time I saw gluten-free on a menu, I read it as glutton.

    And I’m not a big fan of the new linking thing on wordpress either, so joining with ya on that one.

  7. November 22, 2010 10:36 PM

    “hitler. boiled. lobsters.”

    they did NOT have signs saying that?

    if PETA tried to protest lobsters up here? (boston) whitey bulger may come out of hiding to hit them.

  8. November 23, 2010 5:34 AM

    I love your father. That is all.

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