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Tuesday’s Friday Flip-Offs from 12/17

December 21, 2010

This will be brief and late. Obviously.

I’d like to give bag people two unattended middle fingers. I’m sorry but I think asking people to watch your bags while you pee/run to Starbucks/continue to make out with the loser you met last night is rude. If only we lived in a country where you could ask someone to blow up unattended baggage. I mean, really, you leave all your shit with me? I need to work on looking less nice and trustworthy. What if I have an emergencey and have to leave? What if I have to board my plane? What do I do with YOUR crap?

Two middle fingers smeared with red lipstick go to photos taken while intoxicated. You know how you look in the mirror after a few drinks and you’re beautamous? Glowing, pretty, sparkling, etc? Yup…photos look the same way. Until the next day. When you realize your carefully applied layers of lipstick and gloss? Are in the vague outline of a lip…on your forehead. Hot.

Two middle fingers covered in snot and in dire need of kleenex go to the kid sitting behind us at The Nutcracker. Double ones to your mom. You snorted, coughed, hemmed and hawed throughout the performance. People five rows in front were annoyed. Did you leave to get water or tissue? Did your mother? Negatory on both. During intermission, J and I both walked out of the bathroom with wads of toilet paper with the intent of giving it to you. Not wanting to cause a scene, we didn’t and simply moved to empty seats about 10 rows back and 20 feet over. We could STILL occasionally hear you. By all means, ruin something for LOTS of people for your convenience.
 
Two frustrated middle fingers that LONG to reach out and punch someone go to slow walkers and random stoppers. Nothing annoys me more, I know this is hard to believe, than people that hog a walkway while moving as slow as possible and meandering so that no one can pass. And then? You randomly stop in a crowd of hundreds. Hate you so hard.

What’s blown your brightly colored Christmas bulbs lately?

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. December 21, 2010 8:35 AM

    Ugh I hate being asked to watch things. I was at a conference and the session hadn’t started yet, so a woman asked if I would watch her bag while she went to get coffee. I said yes and then thought about how the last place I saw coffee was like 10 minutes away. She took FOREVER and I realized I didn’t want to stay for that session but then I felt like I had to stay until she got back. I think in an airport, I’d say that I wasn’t going to sit there long, sorry.

  2. December 21, 2010 11:48 AM

    Oh, the slow walkers drive me nuts! MOVE OUT OF THE WAY.

    See, it even makes me scream in a comment.

  3. December 21, 2010 3:19 PM

    I LOVE Friday flip-offs…even on a Wednesday! And I love that not only do you hate people, but you “hate them so hard!” Kindred spirits, I tell ya!

    Thanks for the giggle! (said as I wait patiently by some stranger’s bag, while she gets her Starbucks which is ok with me, as I am using this time to thoroughly dig through her belongings because I figure she owes me)

  4. December 21, 2010 3:20 PM

    I will join in on the slow paced assjackets. Also the snot shooter behind you. Totes rude (and gross).

  5. December 21, 2010 4:51 PM

    couhging and hacking. Yum. And the slow walkers? Such fun!!

  6. December 21, 2010 8:51 PM

    ummm…I’m a little embarrassed…it’s only Tuesday.

  7. mairzeebp permalink
    December 27, 2010 9:41 AM

    My mom is a random stopper. My apologies :). I keep telling her to move it along and try to explain that one day someone will knock her down but, she seems to have the same selective hearing that I do and of course I was unable to continue speaking and drive my point home once I saw the Michael Kors handbag in the window that I STOPPED to look at as we were meandering through the mall. Oh no, I’m. Just. Like. Her.

  8. January 12, 2011 6:28 PM

    I will join in on the slow paced assjackets. Also the snot shooter behind you. Totes rude (and gross).

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