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Friday Flip-Offs 1/7-The Holiday Edition

January 7, 2011

Welcome back friends! I know for many, the internets didn’t officially re-open until this week so I hope you are all back in the swing and keeping warm!

I also hope you all had a merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Mythrus, midwinter…or whatever joy you celebrate this time of year.

As always you can check out the other flippers over at Momma Kiss.

Since I haven’t posted flip-offs in a while, due to the aforementioned holiday closure of the internets, this will be a holiday wrap-up of middle fingers, a festival of flipping.

So light the candles, gather round the fam and pour a glass of eggnog-spiked, of course.

I’m going to get the middle fingers warmed up a bit, they enjoyed a long winter’s nap after all.

Middle fingers wearing pants that are ever so slightly too tight, go to chocolate. In particular, Hershey Nuggets-dark chocolate with almonds and the co-worker that introduced them to me. Godiva Gems are also on the list. It’s wrong and far too easy for milk chocolate caramels to be available in Walgreens.

Grumpy middle fingers go to holiday shoppers. Having worked retail when I was younger, I was predisposed to despise you but I almost hate you MORE now that I no longer work in a store and can see just how awful you are everywhere. You trash stores, yell at employees, shove people and are generally unpleasant.

Here’s a few tips; if you wait until the last minute-stores will be out of things. If you max your cards out and don’t make payments-they will be denied. Yelling at clerks for any of those things will not change the facts. And threatening to take your business elsewhere? Promise, they wish you would.
I say please and thank you to everyone. Baggers, checkers, gift wrappers and I HATE how shocked they are when I do.

Middle fingers with frostbite go to people in cars who won’ stop for pedestrians. I loathe people in toasty cars who won’t stop for people walking through parking lots in cold, sleet, rain-they’re not the postal service. They’re regular people. Stop and let them pass.
On the converse, if I stop for you, please MOVE YOUR ASS. Do not meander, text, stop and chat, pick wedgies if I stop the car to let you pass.

Middle fingers stinging from papercuts go to wrapping paper. That is all.

Barbie pink middle fingers are passed out to Barbie’s three-story dream townhouse. You were a nightmare. Thanks for coming with missing and a few broken pieces and stickers that were only half-assed applied.

Anti-social middle fingers go to the “Xbox Connoissuer” Target employee who wanted to “help” me buy a xbox points card for my hubs. I didn’t need your input, your staring at my breasts, OR your ten-minute monologue explaining the difference between cards for points and time. I figured it out.

Extra special middle fingers go to the girl in the wrapping paper line at Belk. First, they were wrapping for free. They could have put baby wrap and bug guts on my packages and I wouldn’t have cared less. You yelled at the woman about the box she selected, were ugly to her, said she didn’t know what she was doing (she’s wrapped in the store for about 30 years) and wouldn’t answer her when she asked which paper you preferred. You’re lucky it wasn’t me. I would have hurled the extra heavy roll at you and pointed out that if you were that particular, perhaps you would enjoy wrapping your own gifts. Kudos to you, however, for being able to ignore the twenty of us that were laughing at you.

Sad little naked middle fingers go to Old Navy. When the fabulous Rougie blogged that they were out of pj’s I refused to believe it was a nation-wide epidemic. That’s sort of their thing. BUT-it was true. Weeks before Christmas-there were no pj pants or cozy socks to be found. Also? If I worked there, I would kill someone-see rude holiday shoppers above and multiply times a billion and tables covered in hundreds of unfolded tee shirts in a mountain-like pile.

Anything get your tinsel in a twist over the holidays? Share below!

 © Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. January 7, 2011 6:09 AM

    Aren’t you glad the holidays are over? I feel like it takes me a couple of weeks to recover every year – this one being no exception! I too worked in retail and get very frustrated with how sales people are treated. HOWEVER, I just flip off a couple of Walmart employees for being so snippy with me when I interrupted their conversation to ask where the photo station was. Seriously? Why work in retail if you don’t like people? Have a great weekend!

    – Emily

  2. January 7, 2011 6:57 AM

    I am SO with you on the parking lot / crossing the street pedestrian thingy. If I’m doing my part to slow down or stop, don’t shuffle along down the middle of the damn lane, lazycakes!

  3. January 7, 2011 3:57 PM

    I’m flipping off the weather for snowing today resulting in E’s school being closed. He was just off for a week – I needed those 3 hours of alone time today damn it!

  4. January 7, 2011 5:57 PM

    I have a holiday hangover of the worst kind this year. If I had a pair of cozy old navy pj’s to squeeze my hershey nugget ass into I might be able to snap out of it.

  5. January 7, 2011 7:41 PM

    I have been overwhelmed for the last four hours since I have just signed on to Twitter and all of these twatty folks are talking to me. I followed you, babe. Please forgive me, if I didn’t do it right. I am too new at this.

    I, too, worked in retail for many years and I make sure to give extra love and sparkles to the retail folk at Christmas time. there was not a Christmas Eve I didn’t come home in tears. The closer it gets to Christmas, the nastier the crowd gets.

    Okay, back to Twitter. I’m getting sucked in!

  6. January 9, 2011 1:48 PM

    Ooooh, I love a festival of flipping!

    I hate people in cars who don’t stop for me as I’m crossing the street because I always sprint to make it across, but it’s f-n cold out there! And you are warm and toasty! I win! Let me go first 🙂

    Awwww, that poor wrapping paper girl 😦 I hate to see anyone disrespected like that.

  7. January 9, 2011 5:43 PM

    Oh, this post is giving me post-traumatic stress disorder. (That was almost a pun.)

    I’m still too scared to go back to Target, but I’m hoping it’ll be safe again this week because I really need Swiffer refills.

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