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Twattage to the stars-a sad little drag queen who lost her glitter

March 2, 2011

The Oscars. I love them. Correction: I love the dresses. And love to hate them.

I tweeted, and blogged, a good bit during the Oscars and, it would seem, my tweets were funny. People I didn’t even know, or bribe in any way, were re-tweeting them.

So…I’m copying and pasting them into this post.

Lazy? Not entirely. I am suffering from injury and since it took me 23 minutes to wiggle into my underwear this morning, typing is too much. I *think* I can handle copy and pasting.

Oh, I’m insanely sore from these Pure Barre classes I’ve been taking-more on that later.

For now enjoy my twattage (a montage of tweets)

First up? Mila Kunis’ dress:

It looked like she had on those “invisible” pasties you’re supposed to wear when a bra won’t work.

Also relating to Mila and JT?

Somewhere Janet Jackson is pissed. JT promised she’d be the ONLY girl he was on stage with who’s nipples were exposed.

Poor, poor Melissa Leo. I loved her in The Fighter. Truly. She’s an amazing actress. BUT…

(By the way…she’s totally figured out in this picture that her dress was an even bigger mistake than saying fuck.)

Here’s my tweets about her:

I thought only little girls liked Strasburg lace with sparkles. Ummm…Melissa Leo? Did your dress come with a diaper cover?

Also? Melissa’s lipstick shade is the Corpse Bride-worn in honor of another nominee’s husband.

She just said fuck. That’s my biggest fear in regards to my radio show. I need a list of what the FCC considers bad words. (Editorial note? Seriously. Anybody have that list? At least with radio I don’t have to worry about wardrobe malfunctions…)

Well, at least Melissa is consistent and the awfulness matches her dress and her tony tail she bought from QVC.

My overall take on the Oscars?

Pretty sure James is on downers while Anne guzzled the uppers. Together it’s like a bi-polar drag queen…who had an off day with her makeup and lost her glitter.

I think that’s a fair assessment.

Other than that…I’m DYING to know how Anne got her eyelashes so shiny/sparkly. I tried glitter lash gloss once but I felt like it was giving me seizures when I was driving at night and the headlights were reflecting off my glittery lashes. I need another solution. Or a chauffeur.

My best dressed? Sandra B. for sure, she looked amazing in red. Anne rocked a similar dress but she must have been confused. Instead of walking the red carpet, she tucked it up under her ass…

My worst dressed? Cate Blanchett. Which is a shame, she’s so gorgeous. But she looked like my grandmother’s doilie ate a craft/macrame arts project at summer camp.

Jennifer Hudson, I’m not trying to be ugly. You look amazing and have inspired me to consider Weight Watchers. BUT you needed to do something about your boobs and this gorgeous dress-like have the halter  taken up an inch or two. Downside of weight loss? Boob loss. And also, your face was so uniform and all one color and a totally different shade than your body that it reminded me of comics you see of blackface performers. I KNOW that’s in bad taste but I can’t help it.

Well, folks, that’s all I’ve got. Typing while laying down is rough. And I’m not sure I can pull myself up so I may have to gently rock sideways on the couch until I fall on the floor and can crawl upstairs.

What was your best dressed? Worst dressed? Like the hosts?

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. March 2, 2011 10:46 PM

    First of all…It looked like Mila was drunk…or on something. I was just waiting for her to start slurring. Thank goodness JT is so charming that most didn’t notice.

    I can’t remember who all my favs were, but I remember thinking that I still at every award show want to be Reese Witherspoon. And also, I too would like to dance like Ann if I had a fringe/flapper dress.

  2. March 3, 2011 6:25 AM

    I rather liked Mila’s dress and its lilac loveliness.

    And Melissa Leo? WTF? What is wrong with that woman? Wait, don’t answer. Everything. She was great in The Fighter, but maybe, I can see why now. She’s train wreck crazy. And how about stealing poor Kirk Douglas’s cane!

    Haaaaated Anne Hathaway and James Franco. When they announced this random couple was going to host the Oscars, I thought, “Huh.” I’m still thinking that.

    The redeeming moment of the night, for me, came when Christian Bale gave his heartfelt speech and a dot.com shout out to his boy. I now officially love Christian Bale, nappy beard and all.

    If I had to endure one more “Whoo-hoo” out of Anne Hathaway I was going to throw something into the TV. This would have probably really pissed my hubs off, but I have strong convictions when it comes to the Oscars.

  3. March 5, 2011 3:51 PM

    I love it! Hilarious! 🙂

  4. March 6, 2011 6:47 AM

    OMG, Jennifer Hudson’s so thin now! When did this happen? I’ve laid off the boob tube (no pun intended), so I don’t know much about Hollywood anymore. Would have wanted to see the Oscars, though. Looks like there were many funny/weird moments.

  5. March 7, 2011 8:51 PM

    I agree 100%!

  6. March 8, 2011 2:33 PM

    Jennifer Hudson looks fantastic these days, but that dress did NOT suit her well at all. The color was just wrong for her and her boobs should not reach her chin. They were just too darn perky!

    Great recap! 🙂

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