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I will be back when I am no longer an illegal alien

March 7, 2011

I have been sporadic as of late and very mia from reading blogs, which makes me full of the saddage. I am sorry to report, cloudy with a chance of no bloggage will continue through his week.

Number one: It would seem my employer is worried I am an illegal alien. See, here’s the thing. My social security card doesn’t match my name. It has my maiden name on it.

Two marriages. Three employers and eleven years. I still have my very first social security card, that my mother laminated despite instructions printed on the card directing otherwise.

I never changed my name on the card after my first marriage because it seemed like it would be hard. And since I can barely handle the post office, I was pretty sure the Social Security office would make my head explode.

But last week, our HR person, who is a lovely woman, emailed me to say I was illegal and needed to get my card changed.

In retrospect, I’m GLAD I didn’t change it the first time since apparently I would have just had to change it again.

I think the notion of me being illegal is hilarious. I’m so white I’m transparent.

I have a driver’s license AND passport with my married name on them so I fail to see why the social security card matters. It’s not like there will be money left when it’s my turn to receive it.

I called the local office and they don’t make appointments, they prefer people to just come and wait and whine. Why? Because appointments would be effective and the government is anti that.

I’m also tied up this week with my spring fashion shoot for the paper.

AND a woman hit J’s parked car this morning. Here’s the deal, our car was parked in front of our house which is on the LEFT side of the street. She was driving down the RIGHT side of the street.

She, somehow, managed to cross onto our side of the street, slam into j’s car and push it UP over the curb and into our yard.

The car is a mess. She HAD to be going forty to fifty miles an hour ON A RESIDENTIAL STREET. Both cars had to be towed.

The cop fussed at her and told her she was lucky she didn’t hit some kid waiting to go to school. She said she was distracted because SHE HAD HER DOGS IN HER LAP.

Really? What the hell lady?

Since I am ALWAYS helpful, as I was putting bratchild in the car to go to school, I said loudly, “Gee lady, I’m so glad you hit our car instead of our child. People like YOU are why we can’t let her play in the don’t yard.”

I had already realized she was an idiot but it was confirmed when she said, “oh I know. It’s so good it was just a car.”

I have been calling the police for a year complaining about speeders on our street. I’m going to start “playing” in the front yard and “accidentally” lose balls in don’t of speeding cars. Thinking it’s my new project…

ANYtired, my point was to let you know that between the accident, trying to wrap up things with J’s horrid ex, the fashion shoot and being an illegal alien-I may be a little out-of-pocket this week.

Seriously, this morning was ridiculous. By 9 a.m., I had dealt with a lawyer, a cop and a social security person. J had dealt with an insurance agent. It was like the damn village people around here…except without all the dancing and perky sparkles.

Am I the ONLY person with the wrong name on my card?

© Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Lloyd Mayfield and Amy’s Blam with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

9 Comments leave one →
  1. March 7, 2011 9:19 PM

    Amy, I read your whole entire post (I think that woman should be behind bars for her idiocy!) but I kept rereading the part where you’re doing a spring fashion shoot. ‘Cause that is super cool! I no longer want to be a nurse. I want to do a spring fashion shoot. Can you swing that for me?
    So your blogging is going to be sporadic. You will be missed, but not forgotten.

  2. March 7, 2011 11:27 PM

    Gosh, Amy. The dogs were on her lap and she was busy. Why can’t you just understand a woman can’t pay attention to two things at once, especially when dogs are involved.

    You’re so callous! 🙂

  3. March 8, 2011 5:11 AM

    Oh Amy. My name matches my card. I’m laughing at your poor situation, though. Sorry bout that.

  4. Ginny permalink
    March 8, 2011 9:30 AM

    When I made the huge “starter marriage” mistake, which I like to call the Great Debacle, they wouldn’t let me get a new driver’s license or anything with my “new” name on it without a Social Security Card indicating such…so the SS office was the first place I had to go before I could do any of that other stuff. By the way, the name change thing at SS really wasn’t that bad. Just take your notarized marriage certificate from the state. 🙂 Good luck!

  5. March 8, 2011 12:43 PM

    I only hit things with my car when I have my dog in my lap, I’m applying makeup AND I’m drinking alcohol out of a flask. And only if I’m at the point where I’m applying mascara because then ONE eye is closed. This woman is clearly incompetent.

    Also, I don’t think the HR people think you are illegal. I’m pretty sure you misunderstood. I think what they said was, “That Amy? She’s so FUN she should be illegal”. Doesn’t that make more sense?

  6. March 8, 2011 2:20 PM

    sorry, i’m 100% legit. got my married name on my card. you’ve got your hands full girl! good luck with sorting that out!

  7. March 8, 2011 2:26 PM

    Wow, that woman sounds like a moron. I’m so sorry but I’m grateful it was just the car that was messed up. That’s so scary and what in the eff is wrong with her!?

    I feel your pain. At some point I’ll have to go back to the DMV but I’ve been putting that on hold for ages, too. Good luck!

  8. allison permalink
    March 9, 2011 7:24 PM

    Um, your ss card isn’t even needed for your I9 if you have a passport… Will they not just let you give a different document and save you the hassle of the ss office? BTW – SS office is much like occupational health office.

  9. March 24, 2011 9:07 AM

    If this helps with the social security this link will take you to the forms and list of everything you need! Call your office and ask what day and time is their slowest.

    That lady driving with a dog in her lap should be ticketed just for that! I remember in Michigan my cousin got a ticket for not having her dog seat belted in!

    Our children are no longer safe from playing in front yards and running to their friends houses. Fenced back yards make it even harder for them to play with each other safely.

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