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Dancing with the Stars contestants: quit stealing my songs.

March 23, 2011

So it’s my DREAM to be on Dancing with the Stars and yes, I realize there is MUCH to accomplish before I can do that. First, I need to become famous. And then I need to become unfamous enough to be asked. So I would really appreciate it if producers would QUIT using songs that I have been saying for quite some time I would like to dance to.

First, Jennifer Grey rips off my idea of Pink’s So What (and badly I might add.) And THEN half the cast dances to Pink’s Raise Your glass which I had selected to replace the previous song. And now? Really? Et tu Kirstie Alley? I was OKAY with G. P. singing my song because she’s super skinny and blonde and there was no dancing. But YOU-really? I have claimed Cee Lo Green’s F-You on this blog before and, since I am sure you and the producers actively read my blog, I am most displeased. I have found you hilarious since a very young age when my parents made us all watch Cheers. I loved you on Veronica’s Closet and you even managed to make ALL, yes all, of the Look Who’s Talking movies watchable. (That and Bruce Willis’ voice. He’s so in my top 5.) And, please, not only are you dancing to MY song, you are doing it with Max. (Dancing people not IT, get your minds out of the gutter.)

Now that I’m done being ragey, what else happened?

Oh yes, Cheryl called herself a whore. I really enjoyed her spiel about dancing being all about the connection between a man and a women and noone being better at that then her. Yes, we all saw the jewels Chad gave you. When  you can no longer dance, perhaps you can be the next Heidi Fleiss?

Oh Kendra, Kendra, Kendra. Rather than people saying Go Kendra, I think Hank may soon be begging Don’t Go Kendra. (Or not. Your laugh is super annoying.) I’ve read in reliable sources, In Touch Weekly and the like, that you may have a thing for Hines Ward. (With him playing for the Steelers and all it takes everything I have to not spell his name Heinz.) And why wouldn’t she? Unlike her current hubs, Hines is adorable, he can dance, he seems pleasant AND he’s won some Super Bowls. Poor Hank can’t even keep himself on a team.

Other than that-normal show. Kim and Karina were naked. Anya still has ridiculous hair and Lacey is continuing her quest to reign as Queen of Worst Costumes Ever. (Perhaps some should tell her there’s no Mirrorball Trophy for looking crazy?)

Brooke Burke may be the one woman in America who dresses up more than I do. Seriously. She’s in a cocktail/black tie dress twice a week for a good portion of the year and that MAY beat me.

Also? Who is Petra Neverheardofya? I know my Supermodels and fashion-who are you? My hubs knew who you were, except he briefly had you confused with Erin Andrews. He says you are a Maxim model not a Vogue model so that doesn’t really count. She’s also ridiculoously skinny and I hate her a little bit.

Here’s my predictions: I think Wendy will be the first to go and hopefully she will learn a valuable lesson. Dancing is MUCH more difficult than being the top contestant on Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

My top 3? Hines Ward, Karate Kid (can’t spell his last name) and Kirstie Alley. Chelsea will also be close to the finals. I HOPE Psycho Mike stays-he’s hot and funny. (I predict Kirstie will win.)

What did you think of the show? Who’s your fave?

You can catch me LIVE on the radio tomorrow morning for The Sports Blam, my weekly segment on the Cole Cubelic Show. 9-10 CST and you can listen online or on the radio at 97.7 The Zone (if you’re in North Alabama.)

PLEASE VOTE! Someone (I really don’t know who and didn’t bribe anyone) nominated me for Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms. PLEASE VOTE! You can vote once a day through March 28 (scroll down, find my name and click the orange circle.) Comment here to tell me you voted and if I place in the Top 25, I will give away a brand new, gorgeous sterling silver bracelet from Lisa Leonard Designs.

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29 Comments leave one →
  1. March 23, 2011 11:32 AM

    As I type this I am on a conference call with all of the major networks (no I’m not) pitching the idea of Dancing With Normal Looking People Who Could Totally School the Stars if Given the Time (There is talk of shortening the name to DWNLPWCTSTSIGTT).
    Seriously, I would LOVE to be on that show. I know I could do better than Wendy.
    I predict Chelsea (super cute), KK (nostalgia), Kristy (my fave) and Hinz (athletes do well).

    http://www.dontmakethatface.com

  2. March 23, 2011 3:24 PM

    Thanks for catching me up on the season! I’ll have to look around your site some more.

  3. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    My mom is a huge Dancing with the Stars fan & I pop in from time to time to check out the cast. She is really looking forward to Kirsti Allie this year though. Stopping by from the @SITS #Commenthour!

  4. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    LOVE show recaps!! Visiting from the SITS cocktai party. Love the “then I have to get unfamous enough to be asked” part. LOL> The show does love its reject d-listers! LOL! Love your blog header!!!

  5. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    Hysterical! Thanks for the great recap. I’m coming back after next week’s show to see who steals your songs next…

  6. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    I’ve never really gotten into DWTS but I do love So you think you can dance and I understand how you feel about them stealing your songs. It seems like they’ve done 3-4 of my break up songs about break ups! I feel like I should get some kind of compensation for that right?

  7. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    It’s odd – I love to dance, but I’ve never once watched that show. I saw clips & really like Kirsty Alley’s dress. Yay for #1 blog on #CommentHour. =)

  8. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    I think Kristie surprised me the most. I think the guys did a little better than the ladies but I hope to see some better results from next week.

  9. March 23, 2011 7:32 PM

    Ok, I can’t stop laughing…. so you think that too? I just know they’re in my head stealing ’em all!

  10. March 23, 2011 7:33 PM

    “I think Wendy will be the first to go and hopefully she will learn a valuable lesson. Dancing is MUCH more difficult than being the top contestant on Ru Paul’s Drag Race.”

    This made me LOL big time!! I don’t need to watch DWTS if I keep visiting you!!

    Stopping by from SITS…so glad I did.

  11. March 23, 2011 7:33 PM

    Hello Dancing with the stars victim,
    stopping by from #commenthour. Great blog

  12. March 23, 2011 7:34 PM

    I can honestly say I’ve never seen an episode of DWTS! Now I’m not sure I want to! LOL! Stopping by from SITS #commenthour!

  13. March 23, 2011 7:34 PM

    Sometimes I wish I watched this show just for the fun stuff, but I really don’t like watching it.

  14. March 23, 2011 7:34 PM

    We get Dancing With The Stars weeks after it’s finished over here, so I don’t even know who the contestants are yet… I know lots of people are rooting for Kendra though. I’ll get back to you in about 5 weeks lol!! xoxo

  15. March 23, 2011 7:34 PM

    stopping by from the SITS comment hour. I watched it, and like this season because none of them seem to have dance experience, which I think is fair. I really liked the Karate Kid too.

  16. March 23, 2011 7:36 PM

    I don’t regularly watch but did see a clip of Kirstie and she did amazing (though I wasn’t loving the costume!).

    New subscriber via email. Would appreciate a follow back: IDoTheeWedSara.com

  17. March 23, 2011 7:38 PM

    Here from #commenthour

    Had to read your post with my eyes half closed since I’m overseas and haven’t seen this season of DWTS yet. LOL

    I’ll be back.

  18. March 23, 2011 8:03 PM

    Amazing funny! I never watch and seldom watch any reality TV because it is all contrived and they cut what they want to make it look certain ways for gaining viewers.

    I realize some really like it

    Eileen

    @eileenludwig

  19. March 23, 2011 8:41 PM

    Awesome recap of Dancing With the Stars! I agree that Hines Ward, DanielSan, and Kirstie were the best. I LOVE Wendy Williams, so I was extremely disappointed. In any event, I’m a fan of your blog and I am now following! Stopping by from SITS Comment Hour!

  20. GrandPam permalink
    March 23, 2011 8:53 PM

    You are seriously below average (not a term I would ever think would be in the same sentence with you) in the voting. You NEED to get a program started…quickly!

  21. March 23, 2011 8:59 PM

    I’ve seen that show maybe a handful of times – entertaining, but not as entertaining as your recap! Are you a dancer as well?

  22. March 23, 2011 9:13 PM

    Great recap of Dancing With the Stars! I agree that Hines Ward, Daniel San, and Kirstie Alley were the best. I too predict that Kirstie will win.

    Toqua of Toqua’s Crafts
    Stopping by from SITS Comment Hour!
    http://toquascrafts.blogspot.com/search/label/pine%20needle%20baskets

  23. March 23, 2011 9:24 PM

    Love your blog and I can’t wait to read more! Stopping by from the SITS comment hour!

  24. March 24, 2011 6:34 AM

    I must admit that I have never watched the show, but I do love Kirstie Alley and my mother told me she certainly knows how to dance.

    Stopping by a little late…or early from SITS comment hour.

  25. March 24, 2011 12:32 PM

    Hi, I here from #CommentHour-a little late, I know. I’m a once in a while viewer of DWTS, mainly because it sucks me in. I try to resist each season… I may have to watxch though, because I bet Kirstie will be great, and I’d like to watch how all that dancing helps with her weight. I’m Just One Donna from http://www.justonedonna.com.

  26. Gia permalink
    March 26, 2011 5:10 AM

    omgosh I’m so glad I found a fellow fan in the blogosphere. But to be fair, I haven’t really looked so this feeling is a bit premature but a nice surprise nonetheless! You are hilarious and I’m so glad I stumbled upon your niche on the interwebs.

    I completely and totally fell in love with Mike Catherwood! I really hope he stays on just because I enjoy watching so so much so I hope he improves! Other then that, in ended up being a lot more entertaining then I previously thought it was going to be with this cast. But then again… I always feel that way. haha 🙂

  27. Alice C. permalink
    March 26, 2011 11:02 AM

    Voted! 🙂 Good luck!

  28. March 28, 2011 9:49 AM

    I haven’t caught this season yet. I’m still slightly ashamed the folks over at American Idol sucked me in again. But I might have to based on this review. I heard Kirstie Alley was great last week–and I also heard about the nasty remarks George Lopez made about her on his show 😦 Not very nice.

  29. March 29, 2011 8:01 PM

    My favorite show on television! I’m getting my hair cut like Chelsea Kane’s on Monday. I want Ralph to win!

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