Dancing with the Stars contestants: quit stealing my songs.

So it’s my DREAM to be on Dancing with the Stars and yes, I realize there is MUCH to accomplish before I can do that. First, I need to become famous. And then I need to become unfamous enough to be asked. So I would really appreciate it if producers would QUIT using songs that I have been saying for quite some time I would like to dance to.

First, Jennifer Grey rips off my idea of Pink’s So What (and badly I might add.) And THEN half the cast dances to Pink’s Raise Your glass which I had selected to replace the previous song. And now? Really? Et tu Kirstie Alley? I was OKAY with G. P. singing my song because she’s super skinny and blonde and there was no dancing. But YOU-really? I have claimed Cee Lo Green’s F-You on this blog before and, since I am sure you and the producers actively read my blog, I am most displeased. I have found you hilarious since a very young age when my parents made us all watch Cheers. I loved you on Veronica’s Closet and you even managed to make ALL, yes all, of the Look Who’s Talking movies watchable. (That and Bruce Willis’ voice. He’s so in my top 5.) And, please, not only are you dancing to MY song, you are doing it with Max. (Dancing people not IT, get your minds out of the gutter.)

Now that I’m done being ragey, what else happened?

Oh yes, Cheryl called herself a whore. I really enjoyed her spiel about dancing being all about the connection between a man and a women and noone being better at that then her. Yes, we all saw the jewels Chad gave you. When  you can no longer dance, perhaps you can be the next Heidi Fleiss?

Oh Kendra, Kendra, Kendra. Rather than people saying Go Kendra, I think Hank may soon be begging Don’t Go Kendra. (Or not. Your laugh is super annoying.) I’ve read in reliable sources, In Touch Weekly and the like, that you may have a thing for Hines Ward. (With him playing for the Steelers and all it takes everything I have to not spell his name Heinz.) And why wouldn’t she? Unlike her current hubs, Hines is adorable, he can dance, he seems pleasant AND he’s won some Super Bowls. Poor Hank can’t even keep himself on a team.

Other than that-normal show. Kim and Karina were naked. Anya still has ridiculous hair and Lacey is continuing her quest to reign as Queen of Worst Costumes Ever. (Perhaps some should tell her there’s no Mirrorball Trophy for looking crazy?)

Brooke Burke may be the one woman in America who dresses up more than I do. Seriously. She’s in a cocktail/black tie dress twice a week for a good portion of the year and that MAY beat me.

Also? Who is Petra Neverheardofya? I know my Supermodels and fashion-who are you? My hubs knew who you were, except he briefly had you confused with Erin Andrews. He says you are a Maxim model not a Vogue model so that doesn’t really count. She’s also ridiculoously skinny and I hate her a little bit.

Here’s my predictions: I think Wendy will be the first to go and hopefully she will learn a valuable lesson. Dancing is MUCH more difficult than being the top contestant on Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

My top 3? Hines Ward, Karate Kid (can’t spell his last name) and Kirstie Alley. Chelsea will also be close to the finals. I HOPE Psycho Mike stays-he’s hot and funny. (I predict Kirstie will win.)

What did you think of the show? Who’s your fave?

You can catch me LIVE on the radio tomorrow morning for The Sports Blam, my weekly segment on the Cole Cubelic Show. 9-10 CST and you can listen online or on the radio at 97.7 The Zone (if you’re in North Alabama.)

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