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I was a Russian mail order bride, almost Spanish

June 28, 2011

Well, at least at the beach last week anyways.

The hubs took bratchild and I to Destin Commons to do a little shopping. I sent him to hang out at a restaurant and have a couple of beers because a. I love him and b. he hates shopping. At this stage in my life, I am WELL past the whole it’s cute to make someone you “like/love/want to date/perhaps sleep with/adopt a dog with” do things they HATE because if they don’t do it, it quite obviously means they don’t like/love/want to date/perhaps sleep with or adopt a dog with” YOU.

(To be fair I don’t know that I’ve ever been in that stage because a. it’s stupid, b. I’ve always liked time alone and c. if I make them do something they hate are they going to make me do something I hate? And we all KNOW that wasn’t going to work.)

Oh, and more importantly-shopping is very relaxing for me-a whiny, miserable person I didn’t give birth to? Not so much. (And since I don’t have a whiny, miserable child I am not going to cast as grownass man to play this role.)

So bratchild and I wandered and did a little browsing, and when we were finished we went to find J.

When I located him, we had this exchange:
J: Can you do a Russian accent?
Me: No, I’m terrible at them. Why?
J: I told the bartender that you were a Russian mail order bride and that you’d never been to an US shopping mall before so I might be stuck here awhile.
Me: Well, was she any nicer to you?
J: No, I think it had the opposite effect.

So, I just didn’t talk. It seemed to work out well.

And then later that day, it occurred to me I couldn’t even be a Spanish mail order bride. We were looking at a sign that said vida and I said to J, “Vida means life in Spanish.” When he asked how I knew that I explained I learned it from a Ricky Martin song.

So-I can’t speak with a Russian accent, the ONLY Spanish I know I learned from all-inclusive resorts, Ricky Martin songs and episodes of “Dora the Explorer.” I could POSSIBLY be a French mail order bride since I did study that all through school but who wants to be ordered from Paris and sent to Arkansas?

The point of this is…well, there’s really not a point. Except I guess that I am not the only ridiculous person in this marriage. So that’s something.

I am trying desperately to get back on a blog schedule-last week’s beach trip and attempt to pass as a mail order bride did throw that off slightly. Am aiming for Tuesdays and Thursdays, just so you know.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. June 29, 2011 7:27 AM

    Your husband sounds as funny as you; very amusing post!

  2. June 29, 2011 3:19 PM

    This post sounds sooo much like my husband and I. Very funny post

  3. July 3, 2011 5:05 PM

    do not forget to listen to Amy on “cubelic & the kid” 97.7fm Thursdays from 9-10am

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