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Let’s just call it a Christmas miracle that there’s no “People of TJ Maxx” mmmmkay?

December 15, 2011

I am daily amazed/thankful/tickled pink that I have never been a “People of Wal-Mart.” This can mainly be attributed to the infrequency with which I shop there-though I am not going to lie, am often astounded at the prices when I do go there AND they were the only place I found the new Monster High Abbey Bominable and Spectra  Vondergeist in-stock. Even if J would not let me buy them all and put them on Ebay because then I would be the person I hate. BUT I would have been the person I hate paying for Christmas.

I digress…

Yesterday I went to TJ Maxx. Mine gets new trucks on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and I have scooped up all sorts of fun Christmas stuff, awesome boots (that were still available on Zappos and other sites for WAY more than what I paid), Calvin Klein dresses, Martha Stewart Crafts AND Annalee elves, Santa, etc. I love them. I remember my great-grandmother and my mom having these and I just love the Christmas kitsch factor.

Now, just let me go ahead and admit that it is entirely possible I have gone to Belk in hair rollers and pj pants. It is also a distinct possibility I once wore a paint-stained sweatshirt to Walgreens…which would have been okay had I not had a strategic tiny hole directly over my right nipple. It is also possible I had a J Crew sundress slip down while I was on a plane loading my bag into the overhead bin. The last wouldn’t have been an issue had I been wearing a bra. Just call me Janet. Miss Jackson if you’re nasty.

This may help paint the picture of last night’s TJ Maxx attire. I had purchased bratchild, and myself if we are being honest, each a pair of BCBG Generation glitter ballet flats that look remarkably like my Kate Spade Charm Shoes. Except flat. And not nearly as expensive.

Since bratchild is almost as tall as I am and her feet have grown, I wasn’t sure what size to buy her. After blindfolding her with a giant scarf and not allowing her to touch anything-I quickly realized the shoes I bought her were too small.

So I raced back to TJ Maxx to exchange them…while wearing penguin print fleece pants, the aforementioned nipple hole sweatshirt (with a t-shirt underneath it), Uggs and my glasses. It was a hot look.

When I go to TJ Maxx, I try not to get buggies because I think it will lessen the amount of random shit I pick up. My sister hates going there with me when I have a cart because I toss everything I think I like into it and then sort it before I check out. It’s how I rammed an 80-year-old man in the ass with a Christmas star just last week:

After I had all this crap, and my big ass Santa, in the cart I tossed a glitter Christmas tree topped with a super pointy star on top of the whole kit and kaboodle. Let’s just say I don’t suggest bending over in TJ Maxx and with that action, I have given that man the merriest Christmas he’s had in DECADES. What can I say? I am all about spreading the Christmas cheer.

But last night? No, last night ALL I WAS GOING TO DO WAS EXCHANGE HER SHOES. Which is how I ended up in my pajamas dragging a 26″ reindeer, glitter ballet flats, a Nina Garcia book, a Martha Stewart paper puncher and a how to make silhouette craft book along with “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” through the store.

I am that crazy old lady. At the age of 34. In case there was any doubt.

I had the reindeer tucked under my arm as his bells jingled through the store and everything else kind of stacked in one hand. For me, it was a remarkable feat of coordination. I have a huge ass Louis that could have toted some things but I didn’t want them to think I was Winona Ryder. And since I already had brought home the big ass Santa, clearly I needed the big ass reindeer.

My friends are often amazed with as much as I love fashion and sparkle just how willing I am to go places in a state of disarray. Do you dress up to go everywhere? What draws the line for you?

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. December 16, 2011 9:38 AM

    good lord woman, you’re a riot!
    I personally do not dress up everywhere I go. Mainly just for work, and a lot of errands are run during the day in work clothes. But make me go on a Saturday? uggs and my mom uniform {velour sweat suit}

  2. December 16, 2011 12:01 PM

    I wish I could post photos on your blog comments. The photo of you in rollers with a broken chair in the newsroom would come in handy here. Man, some days I really miss you. 😉

    • AmyBlam permalink*
      December 19, 2011 11:07 AM

      I am pretty sure you really miss me every day. And yes, would be awesome if you could post that pic in comments!

  3. December 16, 2011 10:45 PM

    You inspired me to just wear my “laundry day” sweats when I took the kids out to StrideRite today. (I did put on a bra, for conformity’s sake.) Then again, considering the icky weather and the calf-roping-event that shoe buying was with those two, I think I dressed quite appropriately.

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