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I went to Yankeeland and all I got was some stupid rocks

January 20, 2012

Yesterday I took a break from stuff and went exploring with bratchild. I was in search of the mythical HomeGoods-a rare and highly hyped destination. We have Marshalls and TJ Maxx and, don’t get me wrong, they are fantastic but since my main love affair is with the random home crap you have to have but never knew existed-I was all about exploring a HomeGoods-like a Spaniard discovering the new world, I was off to find my city of gold.

And? I bought rocks. Some other things too. But yes, rocks. There were plenty of things I wanted but I didn’t have a way to get them home. Using Mitt Romney as inspiration, I suppose I could have strapped a chair to the top of the car but I didn’t want that to come back and bite me in the ass should I run for office one day. And, it is a pretty big ass chair:

I'm a writer...I like stuff with words and letters.

 And I found the aforementioned rocks.  I like to do crafty things and needed rocks for some terrariums I am working on PLUS they had lightweight faux rocks covered in moss which now means I don’t have to cover real rocks in moss. I’m pretty excited about it.

Most of all? I can’t WAIT for J to be loading up the trunk and to innocently lift the rock bag and say, “what on earth do you have in here-rocks?” Mainly so I can say, “exactly” and collapse in giggles.

Yup…rocks.
 

One thing I noticed while we were driving around neighborhoods and shopping centers was the large amount of random women hanging out on the street. I was telling J that I didn’t know they had such a problem with prostitutes up here but at least they were dressed sensibly.

Me: I just can’t believe how many hookers were standing around everywhere I went but they were all bundled up and dressed for the cold weather so that’s good.
J: What do you mean hookers were everywhere?
Me: We’d see them all over, just standing on the side of the road-I guess it’s not true they just work corners.
J: And you were around shopping centers and neighborhoods?
Me: Yes, I guess high traffic areas are good for business.
J: (laughing uncontrollably) Those aren’t hookers, they were waiting for buses.

And that’s how unfamiliar with public transportation I am. I couldn’t grasp that people would be waiting for buses and assumed they were all hookers. Wearing scarves and coats in the middle of the day.  Since my town doesn’t really have buses, prostitution seemed the next likely step.

One day I will remember to share my story about a previous trip to Baltimore where I had a conversation about shoes with a working girl, a man with his face wrapped in Saran Wrap wanted to box me for money, a nation of Islam man tried to give me pies and a newspaper and I stumbled onto a protest by militant Hari Krishnas…

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. January 20, 2012 8:03 PM

    Hookers? That is awesome. We don’t have a bus system where we live either. I’m not sure what I would have thought. LOL!

  2. January 21, 2012 11:26 AM

    Looking forward to some serious elaboration on that last paragraph!

  3. January 24, 2012 1:51 PM

    Oooo, those are some seriously cute rocks.

  4. January 27, 2012 8:15 AM

    Two weeks ago I needed something “interesting” to put inside of a snazzy new candle holder I purchased at one of those home shows. I went to the store and bought a bag of rocks, then proceeded to empty half of them into the candle holder after I got home. My husband was annoyed that I had actually spent real, live money on rocks. He was even more annoyed when I went to the cabinet to store the bag I’d just half-emptied and found another bag of the same brand rocks, also half-empty. Bummer. I guess I had forgotten about a previous rock purchase. But as I’ve always said, you can never have too many rocks. Can you?

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