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Angelina’s birth canal, a green goddess and an 80’s Barbie flashback: my Oscars best and worst dressed

February 27, 2012

I can’t really handle watching the Oscars, it’s long and boring and makes me twitch when I remember being in college and working at a tv station and having to stay forever on Sunday nights while we waited for people to finish patting themselves on the back.

I do, however, love the pre-show, the post shows and ALL the fabulous-or not so-fashion.

I was a little underwhelmed with the fashion-there didn’t seem to be as many over-the-top awful OR as much jaw-dropping fabulousness.

But first, my best. And no, Emma Stone is not on my list with her red dress–Nicole Kidman did the long red gown with a big neck bow years ago–and better.

Viola was stunning. The color is amazing and it pops against her skin tone. I love everything about how she looks. EXCEPT I wish she had gone with a brighter lip color.

Despite her constant need to spread her legs and thinking we almost saw her “it’s Christmas and she don’t got her cake baked” during her stride across the stage aka the five minutes I watched because hi, the “Walking Dead” was on-Angelina looked amazing.  We get it. You have great legs. You have a buttload of children some of whom actually exited your birth canal. We don’t need to SEE your birth canal to believe this. Note to Angie: eat something. While we’re chatting, ask Brad to shave and wash his hair.

Rose Byrne. I am a sucker for sparkles and one shoulder gowns and she combined them flawlessly. It may not be flashy but it was fabulous.

Sparkles! Sparkles! Everywhere! I loved Ellie Kemper. Her dress, her hair color. She was a copper sensation.

I was super sad that there weren’t any huge risk-takers; no ballerinas or swans just plain old bad taste.

Sherri Shepherd. Why was she there and who told her to wear that? Her hair looks lovely and…that’s about it. Can someone teach her about plunging bras or nipple covers or even duct tape? The whole bra showing through the chiffon is dreadful. I’m also exhausted with these slit-sleeved dress. I blame “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” for this awfulness seeping across the country. It says “Covering my arms means I am not slutty even though you can see my nipples and my dress is so short you can tell if my whoha is waxed or shaved. Blech.

Lastly, Stacy Keibler. She’s stunning. She could wear anything–in theory. So I am not sure why she chose this gold lame concoction. I had a Barbie in the 80’s that I am pretty sure had this dress. You’ve all heard the old adage about never wearing the t-shirt of the band to the concert? This translates here. Never wear the award to the awards show. At least Clooney, got something gold that night…

Who did you love–and loathe? 

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Erin permalink
    February 27, 2012 5:07 PM

    LOL! You had me at Angelina’s birth canal! *SO* agree!

  2. Layla Sabourian permalink
    March 8, 2012 10:48 AM

    I am not a fan of the Oscars either, but I have to say that your reviews were the most entertaining and hilarious comments I’ve heard yet. This was my first stop at your blog and definitely will not be my last!

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