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Sometimes I hurt my own head…and other things that confuse me. OR why people have a hard time going places with me.

May 7, 2012

It’s true. I realize I am still somewhat under the weather and still adjusting to the news that I get to have yet another colonoscopy. Hoorah! Seriously though, apparently I am HI-larious while under anesthesia so I am going to need someone to come in with me and make note of the things I say.

ANYWAYS-J always finds it remarkable that I have no sense of size or distance. Some would say it’s because women have been lied to about size for such a long time–I just don’t think my brain has any depth perception. Or, as bratchild says I am not a spatial learner. Even whilst looking at a map, I always think things are closer than they are–especially up in Yankee land where everything is squished together. I remarked about this on Facebook tonight.

This picture has a point. Honest.

This is the ensuing conversation:

Me: J is constantly amazed by my ability to think cities are so much closer than they are.
 Ronda: ohhh road trip?
Melissa: Where do you want to go?
Ronda: Somewhere fun.
Me: Thought Philly was much closer to Pittsburgh than it is…was thinking since we will be up for bratchild’s bday, could go to Lilly headquarters for a tour.
Majken: Well, in Texas, that is easy to do….
Me: Because lots of things up north are squished together on maps, I tend to think everything is tiny and super close.
Melissa: Yeah…not so close…so you are gonna go? Gonna come stay with me after?
J: she is always like…  but they are only this far apart on the maaaapp…  jason doooo soooomething…
Me: I don’t know…how far is it from you?
Melissa: Pittsburgh is like 5 hours away…but I will be coming home from Pittsburgh too
Me: But if Philly is close to you, it could be a day trip.
J: phili to mels, 4 hours each way on some of the worst roads in the country.  also, the redneck retention point fees will set you back about $20 each way…
Me: Since you are ignoring me yelling honey at you–what’s that movie where Bruce Willis sleeps in a closet and the model wears funky clothes and Chris Rock is an alien or something?
Ronda: The Fifth Element
Melissa: Fifth element….
Me: Hmmm…I don‎’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that so many people knew what I was talking about
J: uh…  El quinto elemento…   muy bueno…
Ronda: I am pretty sure Miss and I fall into the elite group of people who ever know what you are talking about
J: yup, Ronda and Melissa are special just like Amy…
Me: But not in an eat the paste way
Melissa: We are special! Just not “eating the glue special”….oh, and Matt loves Fifth Element….I just watch it for Bruce
Me: I love Bruce. I’m pretty upset that Castle and Beckett are going to get together because when Maddie and David did, the show started to suck.
Ronda: Bruce is on my list.
Melissa: For most people that would be a hard connection to follow…but I am with you….I have all seasons of moonlighting but only watch through season three….
Melissa: Oh, and it is not chris rock….its chris tucker
J: id hit it…  two times…
Me: I always get them confused! Bruce is on my list along with Gerard Butler, Jason Statham, James Gandolfini (In Sopranos mode) and Brad Pitt(but only In Fight Club or Snatch mode) and Viggo Mortenson but only as Aragon. I get to have extra since some of mine are only as specific characters.
Sally: I do the same thing Amy, even with mapquest I have no sense AT ALL of direction/location. BUT, I am so ready for Castle and Beckett to get it on, sorry I have no patience. My hubby loves the show but I can only tolerate so much.
Me: I am so concerned they’re going to get it on, get a baby and have Mark Hammill ruin everything (is he the guys from NCIS?)
Sally: Don’t know about Mark Hammill – but I just do not do well with sexual tension at all – just do each other already or get it over with
Me: I forgot Nathan F. is on my list…especially in Firefly. Not so much as scary priest in Buffy.
J: this list i keep hearing about…  shame on you married girls…
Melissa: Yes, mark hamill is ncis guy and was Sam who got maddie pregnant….J, I don’t have a list….I love firefly!!!
Melissa: Nathan still says firefly is his favorite show and character…even after ten years

Majken:  Mmmm, Bruce and Gerard and I have to add in Josh Duhamel.  Sizzling!!!

Something I DIDN’T announce on the Facebox but have been thinking: I can NOT take much more of Blair and Lonely Boy–how can he even attempt to be as awesome as Chuck Bass? AND I don’t know what Veronica ever saw in Duncan, Logan is so much more fantastical stuff. I have since realized that Mark Hammill was Luke Skywalker and he did not get Maddie Hayes pregnant. (My childhood dog was named Cybil after Cybil Shepherd since my parents vetoed Maddie) Mark Harmon ruined the show and now is on NCIS which takes place AT Quantico NOT Quantanamo Bay–another thing I can never keep straight and I’m always riding through Virginia thinking people are being tortured near an Ikea.

Other things that are flopped in my head? Chris Tucker and Chris Rock–see above, Carrie Fisher and Jamie Lee Curtis and I am always convinced Cypress Hill and House of Pain are the SAME band because they both use that twirly sound in their songs and don’t look at me like you don’t know what I am talking about.

Also? Sarah Bernhardt and Sandra Bernhard are backwards in my brain. Sandra is in one of my favorite movies, that also features Bruce, Hudson Hawk. Fairly certain people related to me by blood are the only ones that like that movie.

Sarah Bernhardt

And here’s Sandra: CLEARLY not the same person:

Sandra Bernhard


And, yes, now my head hurts so make me feel better and tell me what YOU can’t keep straight. Please?

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Miss (Melissa) permalink
    May 7, 2012 8:06 AM

    There is a good chance people are being tortured near Ikea…it is a scary place and Matt always feels tortured when I make him go. And, next time you come to visit we should totally watch Hudson Hawk (no one appreciates it like a Lloyd).

  2. May 7, 2012 7:05 PM

    yikes, hope that the colonoscopy goes easily and that you are found to be 100%…take care!

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