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Slamazoning and Sleebaying: two conditions from which I suffer

July 6, 2012

Slamozing and Sleebaying: I honestly don’t see as how these aren’t diagnosed medical conditions. I mean, other than the fact that I just this minute came up with those names and MAY be the only person to “suffer” from these conditions. We all know I have a, ahem, habit of shopping online while under the influence of migraine or nausea meds. For the most part, I have been pleased as punch with the spoils of this predicament. It’s totally like Christmas but, unlike Christmas, the box contents are a surprise. It’s really fun for everyone.

I have been known to sleepwalk upon occasion. In third grade at a sleepover, the parents found me outside walking circles around the house. I’ve also walked into my parents room to talk to them and done random things like put my mobile or a jar of peanut butter in the fridge. (If I could sleep laundry, that would be super.)

I woke up this morning feeling terribly refreshed and revived after NINE plus hours of sleep. The first thing I do every morning, even before I pee, is to grab my mobile and check to see if I have any pressing emails. (Do you know most people actually check social media sites and email prior to peeing? Totally true. Read it somewhere.) I was taken aback to see I had about 35 emails. I was even more shocked to see amazon order confirmations and eBay congratulations you are the high bidder emails. (I always tell J that the only thing I ever win is auctions and he says that’s stupid because I don’t win I just pay the most and I am all nuhuh eBay tells me I am winner. So there.)

It would seem that around 2am, I wandered from my bed over to my closet room and did some slamazoning and sleebaying. On Amazon, I purchased a two disc set of “Funny Girl” and “Funny Lady” (after whining for HOURS yesterday that I couldn’t find them anywhere and wanted to watchthemrightthisveryminuteorImightdie.) I also picked up a two disc copy of the movie “Rent,” and Streisand’s “The Broadway Album” since I have been enjoying “Back to Broadway” for years…since like 1992.

So, I get it, that’s cool. I’ve been on a musical kick–more than normal to the point that even my unconscious was like “get your ass up and get some musicalness on its way to us STAT.” (I wish my unconscious would have thought to go in the playstudio and order music from iTunes because I could ALREADY be enjoying it.) Even in my sleep, I am OCD about a theme. Good to know. But THEN, THEN I scrolled down my email to see I had purchased something called Vergie Lightfoot The Witch is In. I couldn’t fathom what this was and my phone unhelpfully wasn’t showing pictures so I leapt from my bed, took a break to pee (FINALLY) and sat down at my computer in my closet room to feast my eyes upon this:

You don’t order witches in your sleep?

To be fair, she had been on a wish list for a while and was marked down. I guess I should be excited I didn’t order a big ass Halloween inflatable.

Then, despite my confusion, I was pretty excited to see what I was winning on eBay. It would seem that despite the fact that I was already the high bidder on some vintage Lilly Pulitzer, I decided to up my  high bid to like a bazillion dollars or something. Cause apparently in my sleep, I am even more determined to “win.”

One day, when these conditions are officially recognized and all “real” and on webmd and stuff, I hope they credit me with their naming.

 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Dena permalink
    July 29, 2012 12:53 AM

    I also suffer, you’re not alone. My husband thinks I do it on purpose but I don’t. And it is worse when I’m on my migraine/nausea meds! Love the names. I’m going to add them to my list I take to the dr. Ha!

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