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And now I have to get a tuxedo altered for a skeleton

July 9, 2012

I’ve accepted the fact that things happen to me that are often ridiculous and that, more often than not, it’s my own doing. The other day, bratchild and I were going to go to thrift stores and Mary’s (a junk/antique/bead emporium) to look for crap and to try, again, to find a smallish cheap round table that I can turn into a fortune-teller’s table for my friend Ronda to use when she is the fortune teller at bratchild’s Halloween party that I told her she could invite her entire grade to attend. Mainly because I am lazy and what’s 20 kids versus 50 or so when it means I don’t have to mail invites and can just give her a buttload to take to school.

ANYHOO-we invited mom to come and then decided to invite dad and he came mainly so he could make me drive and criticize every driving maneuver I executed, pretend to be bored and catch things as mom knocked them off shelves. (Also J doesn’t like it when bratchild and I go to thrift stores and dad naturally looks frightening so really inviting him was a safety precaution. The LAST time I went to a thrift store a homeless man got down on the ground behind my car, pretended I had run him over and then hopped up  and  began rapping on my window demanding money.  Since I had NOT run him over, I just pulled away. To be fair, even if I HAD run him over, I never carry cash.)

It was at that very thrift store that mom spied a white tux with tails stuck in with the wedding gowns and decided I needed it to dress a skeleton or Frankenstein for Halloween. Obviously I agreed and brought him home to begin looking for a skeleton. Can I just go ahead and warn you that finding an acceptable not a bajillion dollar skeleton is not an easy task? Most are mini–which is weird or for medical students–which I am NOT. Some are glow in the dark and others are just cardboard jointed cutouts. Mom pointed out I should perhaps look for a Frankenstein–because a life-size one of those would be easier to locate and less expensive? I needed a manly skeleton that could be scary and perhaps hold a tray of cocktails AND fit my new white tux with tails. FINALLY-I came across this one for the bargain price of $39.99. He’s posable and doesn’t look stupid and he comes with a change of clothes. What skeleton doesn’t need wardrobe options?

Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones…

Downside? He’s ONLY five feet tall making him shorter than I am. I hadn’t intended him to be a crossdresser so putting a pair of my highest heels on him is out of the question (I also don’t know what size his feet are or if they are bendable). I guess I will make him (by I, am clearly talking about J) a platform upon which to perch. My tux, which I don’t know what size it is but am pretty sure is larger than a 5 foot tall skinny skeleton is now going to have to be altered so once he arrives, I am going to have to drag his bony ass to find him a dress shirt (I already have a sequined bow tie for him) and cart him to my alterations lady to have his tux “fitted” to him. Fortunately, I am in the market for a new alterations lady so I don’t particularly care if I traumatize my moody, refuses to speak English and uses a sponge roller as a barrette current seamstress.

I could learn to sew myself but honestly taking a skeleton and his tux to a seamstress seems less problematic. I refuse to believe I am the first person to be in this position.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. Diane D permalink
    July 9, 2012 10:25 AM

    I absolutely love your way with words and your enthusiasm towards Halloween! I love Halloween and have been known to do some crazy things myself. I would love to see the look on your seamstress’s face when you walk in with the skelton and the tux. LOL…. YOU HAVE TO TAKE PICTURES and share this with all of us!!!!! Thanks for giving me a really good laugh, it made my day!!

    Take care,

  2. July 9, 2012 5:09 PM

    I don’t know, a pair of heels might be just the ticket! Afterall, Frank must have had SOME identity issues.

    • AmyBlam permalink*
      July 10, 2012 2:44 PM

      Ugh. I just find it frustrating that with no planning things don’t work out EXACTLY as I want them to. 😉

  3. July 11, 2012 12:49 AM

    I shake my fist in rueful admonition at things and their need for planning!

  4. July 16, 2012 3:58 PM

    When I saw your title, I was impressed with it’s creativity. I had to read on to se what it really meant. I laughed out loud when I realized it was the truth! I love it! Also, I solved the planning problem by planning to have everything go to pot at the worst possible moment. Now everything goes according to plan!

    Kiddos and Pups

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